Orphaned Once More
by Mulderette
Summary: After Garrison's sudden passing, Deeks is the only one there for Callen when the rest of the team is away.
1. Chapter 1

***Warning: This is not a happy story. This has been a sad week for me with a few hard to get through emotional dates and I'm just working through some feelings by writing this. If you don't want to read anything sad, you might want to steer clear of this one.

xxxxx

"Garrison, I'm leaving," Callen called out as he drank down the rest of his coffee and put the mug into the sink, filling it with water. "I'll see you later."

There was no answer which was weird. The man was always up with the birds. He hadn't slept in late one day since he had been staying with Callen. Garrison had been alternately staying with him and Alex, and although Callen wouldn't exactly call them close, they were coexisting amicably, which was the most he could expect at this point. They still had a long way to go regarding their relationship, but at least they were making small inroads.

Callen was about to leave, figuring he would just allow the man to sleep, but he had a funny feeling in his stomach and he stopped outside the door of Garrison's room. "Garrison? I'm leaving," he called out again, knocking on the door. Still no answer. Now he was definitely uneasy. "Is everything okay?" He stood outside the door for a few long moments before taking a deep breath then slowly exhaling. A cold feeling of dread was coming over him as he started to comprehend that everything was not okay. His hand trembling slightly, he turned the doorknob and hesitantly entered the room. The blinds were down and the room dark which only served to lend credence to Callen's feeling of foreboding.

"Garrison?" he said as he slowly approached the bed. But he knew before he reached him that he was gone. "Dad?" There was a tremor in his voice as he uttered the word which he never said and felt for a pulse which wasn't there. Garrison was cold and lifeless. He had obviously been dead for several hours. Callen's eyes filled with tears as he dropped to his knees beside the bed and buried his head into the mattress beside the body of his father.

xxxxx

Deeks looked at the time on his cell phone for what was probably the tenth time in the past 20 minutes. It was almost 9:40 and Callen had still not arrived at work. He was trying hard not to worry, but he had a gnawing feeling in his gut that something was wrong. With Sam being on vacation and Hetty and Kensi attending a women's conference in D.C., Callen had been the picture of punctuality, arriving at work early over the past few days. Deeks had expected this trend to continue. Finally, he picked up the phone and dialed Callen's number. The phone rang four times and then went to voicemail. "Hey Callen…it's me. Not meaning to be a nag or anything but I'm just checking in on you, making sure you're okay, because you know, that's what partners do and I know we're only temporary partners, but I still worry. Give me a call…"

He clicked off the phone and then decided to call Eric. "Hey Eric, can you do me a favor? Can you trace Callen's phone and find out where he is?"

"He's not in yet?" Eric asked.

Deeks sighed as he rolled his eyes. "No he's not in. I wouldn't be asking you to trace his phone if he was."

Deeks listened to the sound of Eric typing on his keyboard. "Uh, Deeks. Looks like he's at home," Eric said. "Or maybe just his phone is there."

Deeks shook his head. That wasn't good. Whether Callen was still home and not answering his phone or had left without it, both possibilities seemed ominous to him. "I'm going to his house to check on him," Deeks said as he got up and grabbed his car keys. "I'll talk to you later."

xxxxx

Deeks pulled up in front of Callen's house and saw his vehicle still parked out front. So that meant he was still there. He refused to even consider other more sinister possibilities. "He's fine. Everything's fine," Deeks told himself as he got out of the car and started heading up the walkway. Why was this happening when he and Callen were alone? Sam ought to be the one checking on his partner. He reached the door and rang the doorbell, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously as he waited, but Callen didn't come. "Hey Callen! You in there?!" Deeks shouted, pounding on the door. "Dammit." He shook his head and proceeded to pick the lock.

Deeks opened Callen's front door and poked his head inside. "Callen? Are you here?" he called out as he entered the house. He could feel his heart beating a mile a minute as he glanced into Callen's bedroom and saw that it was empty. "Clear," he said to himself. He could see the other bedroom door was partly ajar and he found himself reluctant to approach it, somehow sensing the answer to the puzzle would lie within the darkened room. He swallowed hard and walked towards it. When he reached the entranceway, he was immediately able to put two and two together when he saw Callen slumped by the body of his father. "Oh damn…" he whispered to himself.

"Hey Callen," Deeks said softly as he walked towards his team leader. Callen didn't respond to his voice, however. When Deeks reached him, he knelt down beside him and gently put his arm around his back, resting his hand on Callen's shoulder. "Callen?"

Deeks' touch finally registered and Callen lifted up his head and looked at the other man in confusion. "Deeks?" he said. "Wh…what are you doing here?"

"You were late for work…I was concerned about you."

Callen turned towards his father and then back towards Deeks, his eyes filled with emotion. "I…I found my dad…" he began to explain. "He…he…" Callen lowered his head, unable to continue.

"I'm sorry, Callen," Deeks said softly, patting his shoulder. "I'm really, really sorry."

"I don't know how this happened," Callen said, shaking his head. "It…it wasn't supposed to happen like this. He…we were supposed to have more time, Deeks." Callen took a deep breath, trying very hard to keep himself together. "Why did it have to happen like this? Why did I finally find my father only to lose him again? We never even…we didn't…" He stopped, unable to continue.

Deeks shook his head sadly, feeling heartbroken on behalf of the other man. "I don't know," Callen," he said quietly. "I wish I did." He hesitated for a bit and then went on. "Callen…I'm going to call 911, okay? And then I'll call Sam and Hetty."

"No!" Callen's eyes grew cold as he set his jaw. "Not Sam and not Hetty. I don't want you calling them. And before you ask, don't tell Kensi either. If you tell her, she's just going to tell Hetty."

"What? Come on, Callen. You know they would want to know this. I need to tell them."

"I said no, Deeks." Callen got to his feet and looked down at his father sadly. "Hetty is speaking at the conference today. I'm not going to spoil that for her or for Kensi. Sam and his family have been looking forward to their vacation for a long time and I'm not causing them to cut it short either."

"They won't be happy," Deeks protested. "Sam…"

"Don't tell me about my partner," Callen said. In his heart, he knew Deeks was right, that Sam would be at his side in an instant, but he refused to be an object of pity, causing Sam and his family's Hawaiian holiday to be ruined. "Please do this for me, Deeks. It's my…it's my father. Please honor my wishes on this?" He gave Deeks a pleading look.

Deeks sighed, at first shaking his head, but finally he nodded. "Fine, Callen…I'll keep quiet for now." In any case, Kensi and Hetty were due back the following afternoon. He softened his voice as he looked at his grief-stricken friend. "I'm going to call 911 now. I'll give you some privacy."

Callen nodded, not saying anything as Deeks left the room and quietly closed the door behind him. He then made the necessary phone call and then paced around Callen's home. Callen had finally found his father, after all these years, and had barely had any time with him. It really wasn't fair. He couldn't help but think whoever ran the universe had an unbelievable cruel streak.

It wasn't too long before the ambulance arrived and Garrison was officially pronounced dead. Callen now appeared to be in perfect control, his face calm and lacking emotion. "I need to tell Alex," he informed Deeks after Garrison had been transferred into the ambulance for transport to the funeral home. "Why don't I meet you back at the office in a bit?"

"What? The office?" Deeks asked as he shook his head. "Callen, you can't go into the office. Come on…you need to take some time to process this."

"I have processed it, Deeks," Callen said. "Garrison is dead. There's nothing I can do about it. It is what it is…"

"You really should call Sam." Deeks couldn't stop himself from trying again.

Callen nibbled on his lower lip as he appeared to consider Deeks' request, but he finally shook his head. "Do you know how long they've been planning this vacation for, Deeks?" he asked softly. "A long time…Sam was really excited about it and I know Michelle was too…so were the kids…" He faced Deeks, appearing totally lost. "How can you ask me to take that away from them?"

"I still say Sam would want to know."

Callen nodded. "He's my best friend…and I know you're right, but I want to be a good friend to him also. I want to do what's best for him…and for his family. I owe him that. Garrison's gone…there's nothing they can do to change that, but I can make sure their vacation isn't ruined. Now please…go back to the office. I'll be there after I talk to Alex…"

Deeks sighed heavily. He didn't like the way this was going one bit, but he also could see Callen wasn't about to change his mind, so for now, he would do what he asked. "Take care of yourself, Callen," he said, squeezing the other man's shoulder supportively.

"Oh, Deeks?" Callen called out before Deeks reached the door.

"Yeah?" Deeks said, turning around.

"Don't tell Eric or Nell either…"

"Come on, Callen," Deeks said with a shake of his head. "This isn't right. You need to tell people. You can't do this on your own."

"Please?"

Deeks contemplated his friend, not wanting to give in to him, but finding himself doing it just the same. "Fine, Callen. I won't say anything."

"Thank you, Deeks. For everything," Callen said, his eyes full of emotion once again as he nodded gratefully.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks so much for all your nice notes and private comments after the first chapter. They really helped and I'm doing better now. To French Fan, I appreciate your two notes very much, thank you :)_

xxxxx

Once he was back in the office, Deeks tried hard to work, but was having a very hard time doing so. He kept thinking about Callen and the fact that the rest of the team ought to know what had happened to his father. Finally, at a little past noon, Callen came strolling in.

"Brought you lunch," Callen said to Deeks, putting a bag on his desk. "Stopped by _Warren's Place_. I know you like it there."

"Thanks…" Deeks stared at the other man who looked calm and cool and well, normal. He didn't appear to have any more food though. "Where's your lunch?"

"Already ate it," Callen said.

Deeks knew that was a load of bull but he decided not to call him on it. "How did Alex take the news?" he asked.

"She took it pretty well considering," Callen said. "We're going to meet at the funeral home tomorrow at 1. I'll just go on my lunch hour. I may be a little late getting back, but I'll try not to be."

"Callen…You do get bereavement days. You know that, right? You don't have to be here. Please, just tell Hetty what's happened and go home."

"I told you Deeks, I'm not going home," Callen said, his tone leaving no room for discussion. "Now I think we ought to go over the Bankroft case. I found some discrepancies last night that we should discuss."

"Yeah, sure…whatever you say," Deeks said, discouraged. His discouragement turned around quickly though when his cell phone rang and he saw Kensi's name on the display. "Hey baby," he said, as he clicked on the phone "How are you doing?"

"Oh Deeks, we're having a wonderful time," Kensi said. "Hetty gave her speech and it was amazing. She knows everyone here. I've met all kinds of interesting people."

"That's good. I'm glad you're having fun," Deeks said. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Callen watching him like he was a specimen under a microscope. He felt like screaming that he wasn't going to say anything.

"So how's everything going there?" Kensi asked. "You guys playing nicely together?"

"Sure…everything's fine," Deeks said with what he thought was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm. Kensi didn't notice though.

"Well, I just wanted to check in with you quickly. We're going out to lunch with a couple of Hetty's friends. They're really intelligent and funny women. I'm so glad Hetty invited me to come along."

"Okay, Kens…you have a good time," Deeks said. "Love you. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you too, Deeks. Miss you. Talk to you later."

Deeks clicked off the phone and faced Callen. "I wasn't going to say anything. You don't have to give me Hetty's gorgon stare. I'm not afraid of it anyway."

"I wasn't," Callen protested. "I just…I'm sorry." He bowed his head contritely.

Deeks immediately felt bad. Shit. The guy had just lost his dad a couple of hours ago. "Don't be sorry, Callen. Come on, let's get back to hashing out this case, okay?

Callen nodded. "Yeah, okay."

xxxxx

The rest of the day passed relatively smoothly. There were a few times that Deeks saw Callen obviously trying to keep his emotions under control and he wished like hell he knew what he could do for him. It was now after six and Callen didn't seem in any hurry to leave. "You planning on working all night?" Deeks finally asked him. Eric and Nell were long gone and they weren't working on anything particularly time sensitive.

Callen looked at Deeks, appearing a bit dazed as he realized the time. "I'm sorry, Deeks. You can leave. I didn't mean for you to be here this late. You should have said something sooner."

"There's no reason for you to be here this late either," Deeks said quietly.

"Yeah, there is. I…I have some paperwork that can't wait and…" Callen shuffled through some of the sheets of paper on his desk, making a show of spreading them around. "Just some other stuff here…It's pretty important."

"Anything I can help you with?" Deeks asked.

"Uh…no, not really. This isn't anything you would really be able to do," Callen said. He watched as Deeks looked back at him and he knew he wasn't fooling the younger man for a second. "I just…I'm not ready to go home, Deeks…" He couldn't do it. He couldn't bear the thought of walking into that house right now and sleeping where his father had just died while he had been obliviously asleep. It made him feel like a child, but he just couldn't do it. After Deeks left, he would stretch out on the familiar sofa here and listen to the sounds of the night crew. It would help him feel just a little bit better to know he wasn't alone.

Deeks shook his head. "Come on, Callen. We're leaving."

Callen couldn't help smirking. "Sorry, Deeks. I'm not going anywhere, but like I said, you should go."

Deeks shut down his laptop and folded it up then put it into his laptop bag. He then stood up and looked over at Callen who remained sitting, seemingly lost in another world. "Callen? Come on," he said, beckoning him with his hand.

Callen looked over at Deeks and shook his head. "I told you…I have things I need to do."

"We both know that's bullshit…" Deeks decided to play his trump card. "I **_will_** call Sam if I have to."

"What? No!" Callen met Deeks' gaze in obvious dismay. "You said you wouldn't, Deeks. You can't call Sam."

"A man has a prerogative to change his mind," Deeks said with a shrug as he intensified his gaze. The look on Callen's face was making him feel like some kind of monster, but this was for his own good so he didn't waver. "I'm not letting you spend the night here. Sam would clobber me if he knew I did that…not to mention, I'd have to clobber myself first. Leave your car here. You're coming home with me."

Callen tried to think of an excuse that made sense, but he was beginning to tire and the defensive wall he had been struggling to uphold all day was beginning to crumble. "Alright, fine," he said softly. He saved the work he had up on his laptop and gathered the papers on his desk into a neat pile, putting them aside. He then turned off his laptop and packed it up then wearily got to his feet. "I'm ready."

Deeks nodded. "Okay, let's go."

Callen followed Deeks out to his car and slumped wearily in the passenger seat of his vehicle. He was trying very hard to turn his mind off, but it wasn't happening. Thoughts he couldn't seem to block out were flying quickly and furiously through his mind. "You really don't have to do this," he said after Deeks started up the car and pulled out of his parking spot.

"I know I don't have to do it. I want to do it, Callen." They drove in silence for a short time and then Deeks glanced at Callen who appeared lost in thought as he stared at the road ahead of them. "You hungry?" he asked. "You feel like getting some dinner?"

Callen shook his head. "I'm not all that hungry, Deeks." He couldn't help but think back to the previous night. He had left work and had arrived home to the aroma of homemade beef stroganoff. Garrison had taken to cooking for them, not all the time, but often enough that Callen had adjusted to it and found that he actually enjoyed sharing meals with Garrison. Beef stroganoff was Callen's favorite dish that Garrison made and as such, his father had taken to preparing it somewhat regularly. The previous night's meal had been good…very good. He just wished he had known it would be their final meal together. He could feel the tears beginning to well up again and he clenched his fists tightly as he fought to control his emotions once again. It was then that he realized they had stopped moving and he saw they had stopped at In-N-Out." He shook his head. "Deeks."

"I'm hungry, Callen, okay?" Deeks said. "You don't have to get anything…not unless you want to…" He drummed his hands on the steering wheel. "I'm just trying to figure out what I want to get…"

"Is it really that difficult a choice?" Callen asked, knowing Deeks was playing him. "They have burgers and fries."

"Of all different sizes with many different toppings for all kinds of taste combinations. Do I want the special sauce or don't I? Double-double or just a single? Also, there's a matter of milkshakes. Should I or shouldn't I? And if I decide to, do I want chocolate or vanilla? Or maybe even strawberry…"

Callen rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Fine, Deeks. I'll get something. Can we just go through the drive-through already, please?"

"Sure Callen, whatever you want," Deeks said. He wasn't particularly proud of what he was doing but he knew that if Sam was there, he would be taking care of his partner and Deeks was determined to do that as well, the best way he could. Deeks placed the order and after picking up the food at the window he headed home. They got there quickly and entered the living room where Callen practically collapsed onto the sofa. Deeks put the food down on the coffee table and sat down next to his friend then passed him his burger and fries and the chocolate shake, which Callen hadn't asked for, but which Deeks had gotten him anyway.

Callen took a small bite of the burger and leaned back with a sigh as he chewed it and forced himself to swallow. He still couldn't believe the events of the day. He so badly wanted to awaken and discover that it was all just a horrible dream, that Garrison was still alive and that he still had a chance to fix his relationship with his father.

"Callen?" Deeks asked softly. "Are you okay?"

Callen choked back tears and nodded. The feelings inside of him were engaged in a tremendous battle. On one hand, he wanted to be alone so he could just let go of the emotions bubbling up inside him, but on the other hand, he was thankful that Deeks had practically dragged him out of the office and that he didn't have to be alone.

He took another bite of the burger and then a sip of the shake which he found to be almost soothing and definitely more appealing than the food. Eventually, he put the food aside and just slowly sipped on the shake.

"I get that you don't want to talk," Deeks said. "But sometimes it can help…you might be surprised."

Callen looked at Deeks and was about to assure the younger man that he definitely didn't want to talk about it, when his cell phone buzzed. With a sigh, Callen pulled the phone out of his pocket and saw his partner's name on the caller ID. "Sam…" he said softly. He didn't want to talk to him, but he was afraid if he didn't answer that Sam would worry or get suspicious. He didn't want to cause Sam any anxiety. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves and pressed the button to answer the call. "Hey Sam," he said, with perhaps an overabundance of cheer in his voice. He immediately toned it down. "How's Hawaii?"

"G, when they call this place paradise, they do not lie," Sam enthused. "It's amazing here. Aiden is down on the beach with some friends he met at the resort and Michelle and Kam are getting dressed up. We're going out for a fancy dinner and a luau this evening. Hetty actually surprised us with tickets. They were waiting for us at the front desk. First class all the way."

Callen swallowed hard and swiped the back of his hand across his eyes. One part of him desperately wanted to tell Sam about his dad, but the other part knew that he couldn't and that he would never forgive himself if he ruined Sam's family vacation. "That was nice of her. It sounds great, Sam…"

"How are things with you, G?" Sam asked. "You miss me?"

"Good…you know, kind of boring…and I always miss you when you're away." Usually he would have just given Sam some flip remark denying missing him, but he didn't have the heart for it today.

"Well, boring is good as far as I'm concerned," Sam said. "I don't want anything happening to my partner when I'm not there to take care of him."

"No worries with that," Callen said with a hollow laugh. "Deeks is taking care of me just fine." He knew that Sam was just kidding, but he also knew the underlying sentiment was sincere.

"That's good to hear, good to hear," Sam said, laughing. "Hetty and Kensi still due back tomorrow?"

Callen nodded even though Sam couldn't see him. "Yeah…they'll be back tomorrow…"

"Okay, well I just wanted to check in with you. Take care of yourself, buddy. I'll see you in three days."

"Send me a picture when you have a chance," Callen said. "I'd like to see a little piece of paradise."

"Will do. Aloha, G. See you soon."

"Bye, Sam." Callen clicked off his phone and turned his head to see Deeks looking at him contemplatively. "What?" he asked.

"You wanted to tell him," Deeks commented.

Callen shrugged. "So what if I did. I didn't do it though."

"Yeah, I know that Callen, but what I don't get is why."

Callen sighed heavily. "I know your childhood wasn't sunshine and lollipops either, Deeks. So tell me, how many family vacations did you have?"

Deeks scoffed. "You're kidding, right?"

"And you know I didn't either, but I knew kids who did. Kids who came back from their weekends at the seashore or trips to Disneyland, happy and excited, bragging about what they'd done. I envied those kids, Deeks and I won't be the one to take a trip away from Sam's kids. Especially after I just heard his voice and I know what a great time they're having. I'm not going to do that, Deeks and you're not going to either."

Deeks ignored the almost threatening tone in Callen's voice. "You're right, Callen. I would never do that, unless you gave me reason to believe it was absolutely necessary."

Callen took back his formerly abandoned burger and ate a bite of it. "I'm not giving you any reason to do that, Deeks. I'll eat. I'll sleep. I'll do everything I'm supposed to do, alright?"

"Callen, calm down, okay? We're good. And I know that food is cold by now. Either heat it up or just trash it." If Callen wasn't going to eat, it really wasn't all that big a deal. Deeks knew he wasn't in danger of starving. Besides, Kensi would be back the following day and with her came Hetty. Then the cat would be let out of the bag to at least a few more people. "The Clippers are playing. You want to watch the game?" he asked, reaching for the remote control.

Callen nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good," he said. Hopefully, he would be able to distract himself at least a little bit from the events of the day. He managed to focus his attention at least partly on the game and he and Deeks made small talk as they watched. At the half, Deeks brought in a bowl of chips from the kitchen which Callen absently munched on, as he had never reheated or eaten the food from In-N-Out.

At the game's conclusion, Deeks stood up and stretched. "I'm going to head up to bed, I guess," he said, looking down at Callen. "Anything you need before I do?"

Callen shook his head. "No…I guess I'm going to try to get some sleep as well."

Deeks nodded, hoping Callen would be able to get some shuteye. It was likely the best thing for him. "There are clean sheets on the bed in the guest room and plenty of food in the fridge if you happen to get hungry. Also…you know where I am if you want to talk or you need me for anything. Seriously, Callen, just wake me up. I won't mind."

"Thanks Deeks," Callen said, giving the younger man a trace of a smile. "I think I'm good, but I appreciate the offer…I appreciate everything you did for me today."

"Not a problem," Deeks said. "Remember what I said. Good night."

"Good night, Deeks." Callen sat in the living room for a short while longer and then headed upstairs as well.

xxxxx

Callen couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned and tried to get his mind off his father, but found it impossible to do so. Finally, he just buried his head in his pillow and quietly sobbed. He cried for his father and his lost sister and mother, cried for his own loss and for Alex's. Alex and her son were the only family he had left. He just wished he could have had more time with his father to have figured things out. He still had so much he wanted to know and now he would never get the answers to his questions. Finally he cried himself out and just laid there, wishing things were different.

The volume on his phone was muted, but the sudden light that flashed told him he had received a text. He reached over to the nightstand beside the bed and retrieved his phone, smiling to himself when he saw Sam's name. There were actually three separate texts with images to be downloaded. The first was a typical posed picture of Aiden with his arm around Kamran. The next one was a picture of Kamran frolicking happily in the beautiful deep blue water. The third and final picture, Callen knew had been taken just that night. It was a picture of Sam and his family at the luau. Michelle and Kamran were wearing brightly colored Hawaiian dresses while Aiden and Sam had on Hawaiian shirts. The whole family had leis draped around their necks and they were all grinning, looking incredibly happy. The third picture especially, told Callen, without a shadow of a doubt, that he had made the right decision in not telling Sam about his father. He looked at that picture for a long time then smiled at the first and only bright spot of what had been a truly horrendous day. Then finally, he was able to drop off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks to those of you who have been reading and supporting this story. I appreciate every one of you :)_

xxxxx

Callen awoke several times during the night, unable to sleep more than an hour or so at a time before awakening. Each time that he did, he experienced the grief of losing his father all over again and the tears would begin anew. The bed in Deeks' guest room was very comfortable, but he still found himself constantly changing his position, going from his side, to his stomach, to his opposite side, to his back and then starting the cycle all over again. Even his body temperature felt off. One minute he would huddle under the covers, shivering, only to toss the covers aside a short time later. He kept looking at the family picture Sam had sent him, clinging to it like a lifeline. It was an endless, unbearable night.

xxxxx

Deeks never slept well when Kensi was away, but with the added stress of having a grief-stricken houseguest, he slept even more poorly than usual. He kept expecting to hear Callen wandering through the house, but that never happened. He was pretty sure the other man wasn't sleeping well either, but he wasn't going to disturb his privacy to find out. Finally, at 7 a.m., Deeks got out of bed and went to the guest room. He knocked on the door softly, but when there was no answer, he managed to soundlessly open the door. He looked into the room and saw Callen, sleeping on his side, clutching his cell phone. He didn't have the heart to wake him so he closed the door and headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

xxxxx

Callen awoke at 7:30 feeling exhausted. He got out of bed with a heavy sigh and headed downstairs where he found Deeks, already showered and dressed, in the middle of cooking breakfast. "Good morning, Deeks," Callen said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I haven't been up that long," Deeks said, noting Callen's pale complexion and dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. "How are you doing?"

Callen shrugged. "I'm alright," he said.

Deeks shook his head. "You should think about going home and getting some rest or just staying here so you can try to sleep."

"I need to go in," Callen said. "I have to finish up with some casework files before Hetty gets back later today."

"My offer stands if you need help with anything," Deeks said, handing a plate with an omelet on it to Callen.

"Thanks, Deeks," Callen said. "You didn't have to go to all this trouble."

"It really wasn't a lot of trouble," Deeks said. "These omelets are pretty easy to make."

"Not for me," Callen said. He greatly admired anyone who cooked. He just didn't happen to be one of those people.

"I could teach you," Deeks said, looking seriously at the other man. "You say the word and I'll give you lessons."

"My dad cooked for us sometimes," Callen said, lost in thought as he ate a forkful of the omelet. He made this really good beef stroganoff…" He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes and he angrily swiped the back of his hand across them. He hated that his feelings were so out of control.

"Callen…" Deeks began softly. "There's nothing wrong with letting go of your emotions…"

"I'm fine," Callen said in a choked up voice, staring down at the table.

"I know how to make beef stroganoff," Deeks said. "I'm sure it's nowhere near as good as your dad's, but if you ever want it…just let me know…"

Callen nodded with his head still bowed as he tried to maintain control. "Thank you, Deeks," he said.

"And seriously, if you'd ever like me to teach you how to cook, I'd love to do it."

"Why?" Callen finally had himself controlled enough to look at Deeks through watery blue eyes.

"I don't know," Deeks said with a shrug, meeting the other man's gaze. "Why not? I enjoy cooking. I'd be happy to show you. It's a good skill to have. Beats having to get take out all the time. Besides, I think it could be fun."

"Who taught you how to cook?" Callen asked softly. "Your mom?"

"She taught me some stuff," Deeks said, "but a lot of it I just taught myself."

"Yeah? That's pretty impressive," Callen said. He ate a few more bites of the omelet. "This is really good."

"Well, when things have settled down for you, Chef Deeks' Cooking School will be open for business."

A hint of a smile touched Callen's lips as he nodded. "I may just take you up on that, Deeks."

xxxxx

After breakfast, Deeks drove Callen back to his house so he could shower and dress as he didn't have any clothes with him. After that, they headed into work. "Have you heard from Hetty at all?" Deeks asked as he pulled his vehicle into traffic.

Callen shook his head. "No. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of days. I know Nell has though."

"Well, it's not surprising that she's talked to Nell," Deeks commented. "I think Nell knows a lot of Hetty's deep, dark secrets…not that you don't too."

"I don't really know all that much, actually," Callen said. "Hetty only gives out information in dribs and drabs when she has to."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true," Deeks said. "You want to get coffee somewhere?"

Callen shrugged. "I'll just get some at the office unless you want to go somewhere specific."

Deeks shook his head. "No, I'm good with just getting it at work."

The two men rode in companionable silence, just listening to a morning show on the radio, until they arrived at OSP.

Callen was determined to try to keep his mind on work, at least until he had to go meet Alex at the funeral home later on. He picked up one of the files that needed work and brought it over to Deeks' desk along with a checklist. "Do you want to see if all the paperwork on this list is in this file folder?" he asked him. "And if it's not, could you take a look in that file box over there? It's a bunch of miscellaneous paperwork from various cases."

"Sure, no problem," Deeks said, taking the file from Callen.

"Thanks, Deeks."

xxxxx

The morning went by quickly which wasn't really good news for Callen as he was dreading going to the funeral home. At 12:30 though, he knew he needed to get going. "Thanks for all your help, this morning, Deeks," he said. "Are you going out to lunch? If not, I can pick you up something. Not sure exactly when I'll be back though."

Deeks shook his head. "No, I'm good, Callen. Take it easy, okay?" It was pretty obvious that Callen was upset about going to the funeral home. "I'll see you when you get back."

Callen forced a tight smile. "See ya, Deeks."

Deeks settled back in his seat and started going through the next file. They had gotten a lot accomplished that morning. He was pretty sure Hetty would be pleased.

"Look at you, so caught up in your work that you don't even know I'm here."

Deeks grinned widely when he heard Kensi's voice. "I didn't think you'd be back until later!" he said as he got up and hugged her tightly then pulled her in for a kiss. "Boy, did I miss you."

"I missed you too," Kensi said, gently pulling away from him and gazing into his eyes. "But we really did have an incredible time. I'm so glad I went."

"I'm happy you had that opportunity too," Deeks said, "but I always miss you when you're away. It's just a burden I have to bear though."

"Oh, poor baby," Kensi said, smiling. "Where's Callen?" she asked, glancing at his empty chair. "I must say, his desk is quite a mess."

"Is Hetty here?" Deeks glanced over at her office, but he didn't see her.

"She said she was going up to Ops," Kensi said. "She should be back soon."

Deeks nodded solemnly and Kensi immediately picked up that something was off with him. "Deeks? Is something wrong?" she asked, her eyes on Callen's desk once more. "Is something up with Callen?"

"Yeah…I'd just assume tell you and Hetty together though."

"Tell us what, Mr. Deeks?" Hetty's voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Oh, hey there, Hetty," Deeks said, momentarily startled by her sudden appearance. "It's good to see you. Kensi says you two had a pretty amazing time at the conference."

"We did, but what is this news you want to tell us?" Hetty asked, her eyes full of concern.

"Well…there's no easy way to say this," Deeks began. "I think Callen wanted to tell you himself, but I really think you should know. His dad passed away yesterday morning."

"Oh Deeks," Kensi put her hand up to her mouth, obviously upset. "How?"

Deeks shook his head sadly. "He just passed in his sleep."

"And Mr. Callen found him?" Hetty asked, trying to process what Deeks had just told them. She couldn't even begin to imagine what a blow this was to him. "How is he?"

Deeks shrugged. "He's hanging in there. He's trying to keep his feelings inside, but that's not really unusual for him. I had him stay with me last night. I could tell he didn't want to go back to his house and I didn't think it was a good idea for him to be alone anyway."

"Thank you, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, giving him an approving nod. "It sounds like you were a very good friend to him."

"I tried," Deeks said.

"Where is he now?" Kensi asked.

Deeks took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. "He's at the funeral home with Alex, making arrangements."

"Does Mr. Hanna know what happened?" Hetty asked, knowing how important Sam's support would be to his partner.

"No," Deeks said, shaking his head. "Callen was adamant that he doesn't want Sam to know. He doesn't want to spoil their vacation."

"Well, I do understand his reasoning," Hetty said. "Although I wonder how Mr. Hanna is going to feel when he returns and hears this news."

"I really think we should respect Callen's wishes, Hetty," Deeks said. "I can tell he feels very strongly about it. If we tell Sam, it's just going to upset him even more."

"I don't suppose it serves any real purpose to tell Sam now," Hetty said quietly. "He'll be back the day after tomorrow anyway. What a shame that this happened…he barely gets his father back and then…" Hetty's eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. "He's never had a very easy time of it…he deserved more time with his father."

"No one ever said life was fair, Hetty," Deeks said quietly.

"It definitely hasn't been fair to Mr. Callen," Hetty said emotionally. She sighed and dejectedly began to walk back to her office. She had never expected to return to hear such sad news. She hated that Callen was hurting once again.

xxxxx

Callen felt rather shaky as he drove back to work. He had tried very hard to be strong for Alex at the funeral home and hadn't shed a tear. The whole process had been stressful and tiring. They'd had to make so many decisions involving the casket, the service, flowers, the burial plot, a lunch gathering after the funeral... He had made sure not to schedule the service until after Sam came home, knowing his partner would be upset if he did it sooner. In any case, Callen wanted Sam to be there. Callen had also insisted on footing the bill for all the expenses. He had money saved and Alex was a single mother. He couldn't, in good conscience, burden her with any of the cost. He felt it was the least he could do for his father and what was left of his family.

He felt totally at a loss as to what to do with himself. If Hetty and Kensi were back from the conference, he was sure that Deeks would have filled them in by now, so he didn't particularly want to go back to work. However, he still had no desire to go home either. He had stopped at the house earlier with Deeks, but that wasn't the same as staying there by himself. He had keys to Sam's house, but going there didn't have any appeal with Sam and his family away. He didn't want to disturb Kensi and Deeks' little reunion either. He supposed he could always stay with Hetty at Dovecote, but wasn't sure about that.

He suddenly felt very overwhelmed and he pulled his car over to the side of the road. He then leaned his head against the steering wheel, and allowed the tears to fall that he had kept locked inside at the funeral home. He felt more alone than he had felt in a very long time…


	4. Chapter 4

_Thanks to all of you who have been reading and commenting on this story. Your thoughts are very much appreciated. To those of you reading FTS, I'm hoping to update that in the next few days. For whatever reason, I've been more focused on this one this weekend._

xxxxx

Callen eventually sobbed himself out and just sat in the car, staring off into space, as the time ticked by. As much as he didn't want to, he knew he needed to return to work. Deeks had been so good to him over the past couple of days and he didn't want to cause the younger man to worry. He sighed softly to himself and slowly continued the drive back to the office. When he arrived, the first person he saw was Kensi. From the look on her face, he knew the cat had been let out of the bag. She immediately approached and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him gently. "I'm so sorry, Callen," she whispered.

He allowed her to hold him for a few moments and then pulled back, managing to keep himself in control. "Thanks, Kens," he said softly. "Welcome back. How was your trip?"

"It was good," Kensi replied, looking at him in confusion, not wanting to talk about the conference after what had happened to him. "But…how are you, Callen? Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?"

He shook his head. "Everything's been taken care of, Kens, but thanks."

He felt a light touch on his lower back and turned to see Hetty looking up at him, her eyes filled with compassion. "A word, Mr. Callen?" she asked as she guided him towards her office.

Callen silently walked along with Hetty and then sank down on the chair in front of her desk, inwardly trying to ready himself for the condolences he knew were about to come.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am," Hetty said after a few moments of silence.

Callen nodded. "I know you are, Hetty," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "Thank you."

"Mr. Deeks has informed me that you don't wish to inform Mr. Hanna about what's happened?"

At the mention of his partner's name, Callen felt himself begin to tear up and he stared down at the floor. Since when was he this dependent on his partner? He really needed to get himself together. "He'll be home in a couple of days anyway, Hetty, so no, I don't want to tell Sam about this."

"He is your family, is he not? What if the situation was reversed? Wouldn't you want to be there for him?"

"It's not a true comparison, Hetty," he said, looking up and facing Hetty across her desk. "Of course I would, but I…I don't have a wife and children. It's just not the same thing. He's on a family vacation…I don't want to ruin it."

Hetty nodded and decided not to push him anymore. He looked to be on the verge of breaking down and she wouldn't do that to him. "You look exhausted," she finally commented after some more silence. "I think it would be beneficial for you to get some rest. Perhaps you'd consider staying with me at Dovecote for a few days?"

She fully expected him to reject her suggestion, but instead was pleasantly surprised when he nodded. "Alright, Hetty…thank you," he said quietly. "I…I'd like that."

"I'm pleased to hear it," Hetty said with a faint smile. "Now, is there anything I can do for you? Surely, there's something that you need?"

Callen slowly shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "Alex and I have taken care of everything… The service is set for the day after Sam returns home."

Hetty nodded, glad that Callen had thought to include his partner when planning the services. If he hadn't, she would have called Sam herself. She knew that not being included would not have gone over well with the other man. "And did your father have life insurance?"

Callen shrugged. "I don't really know, Hetty," he admitted. He felt the beginnings of tears again and took a few moments to compose himself. He really wished this would stop happening to him. It made him feel weak and he didn't like feeling that way. "I…I haven't looked through his things…" It wasn't something he particularly wanted to do and he couldn't even really think about that yet.

"Well, do you need any help with the financial aspect of his arrangements?" she asked. "I would be more than happy…"

"No," Callen said, quickly cutting her off with a shake of his head. "I'm good with that."

"And Alex?"

"I'm not taking any money from Alex, Hetty," Callen said. "She's supporting a child on her own. How can I? Besides, it's not like I spend a whole lot. It won't prove a hardship to me, but it would to Alex. I can't do that to her."

"Well, please let me know if you change your mind about accepting my help. You know it wouldn't be a hardship for me either and I would very much like to do that for you."

"Thank you, Hetty," he said. "I appreciate that. I…I'll just let you know if I need any help, okay?"

Hetty nodded, looking at him sympathetically. "And for right now, why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off? Go to Dovecote and get some rest."

Callen hesitated before shaking his head. "I'd rather stay here for the rest of the day."

Hetty sighed softly. "Well if you won't leave, then I insist you lie down on the sofa for an hour, whether or not you are tired. And this is not a debate. Either do that or head to Dovecote now, Mr. Callen."

"Fine, Hetty," Callen said reluctantly. He could tell she wasn't going to take no for an answer, and he just didn't have the energy to fight her on it anyway. "I'll do that." He then headed over to the sofa and stretched out on the familiar piece of furniture. Within five minutes, he was sound asleep.

xxxxx

"You and Mr. Callen did a very nice job getting these case files sorted out," Hetty said as she stopped by Deeks' desk. She glanced over in her team leader's direction and was pleased to see that he appeared to be sleeping peacefully.

"I was happy to help but it was really mostly Callen," Deeks said.

"Don't sell yourself short, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said with a smile. "I'm sure you did your fair share of the work. And as a reward for a job well done, why don't you and Ms. Blye take off early today?"

Deeks grinned, but then he looked over at Callen who was still asleep and the smile slowly faded. "What about Callen?" he asked.

"He will be staying with me," Hetty stated.

Deeks looked at Hetty doubtfully. "Did he actually say that or is that just what you want to happen?"

"What exactly are you implying?" Hetty asked the young detective. "Is there some reason why he wouldn't want to stay at my home?"

Deeks shook his head. "No, of course, not Hetty. It's just that…I thought Callen and I got on pretty well yesterday and I would have thought he would have wanted to stay with me again, that's all."

"I don't believe Mr. Callen would want to be a third wheel in your and Ms. Blye's reunion, seeing as it is her first day back," Hetty explained.

"But he wouldn't be. It would be fine."

"You know…" Kensi said, interrupting the discussion. "You two sound like you're fighting for custody of Callen."

"That sounds like a book or a movie," Deeks said, "Custody of Callen…It's too bad his father hadn't had custody of him…his life would have been very different. He wouldn't be feeling as incomplete as he does now."

"Well, that's a discussion for another day," Hetty said. "I really don't think he needs to hear us talking about this. He's upset enough as it is."

"I don't suppose you had any luck convincing him to call Sam?" Deeks asked.

Hetty shook her head. "No, but Sam will be back the day after tomorrow. I don't think it makes any sense to call him at this point. He did put off the funeral until after Mr. Hanna has returned so that's the important thing."

Deeks nodded. "Yes, I suppose you're right." He looked past Hetty over at Kensi's desk. "Kens? What do you say we get out of here? "

Kensi nodded as she stood up. She was already all set to leave. "Do you need us to do anything else?" she asked Hetty.

Hetty shook her head as she turned to Kensi with a smile. "No dear, I'm all set and don't either of you worry about Mr. Callen. I assure you, I'll take good care of him. You two enjoy the rest of your day."

"We will, Hetty, thanks." Deeks said as he packed up his things and he and Kensi left to head home. In the meantime, Hetty quietly walked over to where Callen was soundly sleeping. She pulled the blanket down from the top of the sofa and gently covered him as she had done many times in the past. She then left him to get some much needed rest and returned to her desk to catch up on her paperwork.

xxxxx

Callen slept for about an hour and a half before awakening. He felt, at least, a little bit better and he sat up and stretched as his eyes went to the empty bullpen. He folded up the blanket, which he assumed Hetty had covered him with, and put it back in place on top of the sofa. He then got up and headed over to Hetty's desk. "Did Kensi and Deeks leave?" he asked Hetty ask she looked up from her paperwork.

Hetty nodded. "Yes, I sent them home and I really think I should do the same thing with you."

"Why? Are you leaving?" he asked.

"I'm not going to stay too much longer," she said. "Tomorrow is another day."

"Okay," Callen said as Hetty gave him a surprised look. "What?" he asked, "I'm not entirely unreasonable, Hetty." Truth be told, he was just worn out. "Maybe I should leave now and pick up some clothes at home, then meet you at Dovecote?"

Hetty hesitated, not sure that she liked that idea. "You're okay with that?" she asked softly. "Going back to your house alone?"

"I have to do it sometime," Callen said with a slight smirk. "It'll be fine, Hetty. Don't worry.

But Hetty did worry and she wasn't sure if this was a very good idea at all, but how could she ask him not to go? "You could always call Mr. Deeks and have him meet you there."

Callen smiled and shook his head. "Come on, Hetty…I'm not going to call Deeks. It's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. I'll see you at Dovecote soon, okay?

"I'll see you soon, Mr. Callen," Hetty said with a nod. "Godspeed," she added in a whisper as she watched him walk towards the exit.

xxxxx

Callen sat in the driveway staring at his home while making no move whatsoever to get out of his vehicle. He had no idea what was going on with him or why he was acting this way. It was absurd and he knew it was absurd, but that didn't seem to matter, nor was it spurring him into any kind of action. With all the things he had seen in his childhood and in his career, the kind of feelings he was currently experiencing just didn't make sense, but telling himself that wasn't helping at all.

"Go in there Callen," he told himself sternly and he finally made the move to get out of the car. He walked up to the front door and nervously licked his lips before putting his key into the lock and turning it. He stepped inside the entryway and quickly went to his room then packed some clothes in his duffle bag. He zipped it up and flung the strap over his shoulder then headed for the front door. Just before he got to the door though, he stopped short. Hetty's question about the life insurance was in his head and he couldn't help but think that if there was any, it could be a nice thing for Alex and her son. He dropped his duffle bag by the front door and started to slowly walk towards Garrison's room, his heartbeat speeding up with each step that he took.

When Callen reached the door, he slowly turned the knob, experiencing a sense of déjà vu of the moment when he had opened the door and found his father, lying lifeless in bed. He entered the room and immediately flicked on the light switch on the wall. The sudden light filling the room helped to calm his nerves a little bit. He inwardly steadied himself and walked towards Garrison's dresser. The first three drawers mainly contained clothing. It wasn't until he opened the bottom drawer that he found what he was looking for. There was a large tin box which he pulled out and then brought into the living room. He didn't want to stay in his father's room any longer than necessary.

Callen sat on his chair and placed the box on his lap then slowly opened it. The first thing he found was a sealed envelope from a life insurance company. He passed by it though and went through some of the other items. His attention was immediately caught by a bunch of black and white photographs of his family, taken when he and Amy were very young. His eyes filled as he slowly went through the pictures and he had no idea why Garrison hadn't shown them to him. He wondered if he had ever been planning to share them. There were other miscellaneous papers and receipts which he didn't take the time to go through, but then, at the very bottom of the box he found two sealed envelopes, one marked "Grisha" and the other marked "Alex." Swallowing what felt like a huge lump in his throat, he replaced everything in the box the way he had found it and slammed the lid shut. He then returned it to his father's room and left, feeling totally unable to cope with whatever was written in the envelope bearing his name.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks to those of you who are reading this sad little story and sharing your nice words and thoughts. It really means a lot to me…_

xxxxx

Callen left his house, feeling just as upset as when he had first found his father. He just didn't understand. He had so many questions and now he would never get answers to any of them. Why hadn't his father shared the photographs with him? It just didn't make sense. The photos could have been the perfect starting point for the discussion he had always assumed he would have with his father, but which had never taken place. He couldn't help thinking that Garrison was selfish for keeping those pictures to himself, but as soon as he had that thought, he felt guilty for thinking that way, now that his father had passed.

He started driving in the direction of Dovecote, but as he drove, he was beginning to regret his decision to go there. When Hetty had invited him, he had answered yes impulsively, but his desire to go to her home had waned. He couldn't very well go back on it though, knowing he would disappoint Hetty. He hadn't wanted to be alone earlier, but now he almost felt that would be a better choice. He probably should have just stayed at the Hanna house, after all. There, he could have let his emotions out freely and not have to worry about talking or explaining himself to anyone. As all these thoughts were swirling in his head, it made him realize what a mess he was. He kept changing his mind constantly as to where he wanted to go and who he wanted to be with. In the end, he kept to his original decision and it wasn't too long before he arrived at Dovecote.

xxxxx

"Agent Callen." Brian Donaldson greeted Callen as he opened the door to let him in. Callen actually had a key to each of Hetty's homes, but he didn't use them unless necessary.

"Hi, Brian," Callen said, shaking the man's hand. He was a large, fit-appearing man who Hetty had hired after Duke had been killed. He had been trained in special forces and was very good at his job, mainly keeping Hetty safe when she was at home. Although Callen liked him, he still couldn't help but miss Duke. It was sadly yet another person gone from his life.

"Hetty's not here yet, but said she will be here in about a half hour," Brian informed Callen. "She said for you to make yourself at home and that your old room is ready if you choose to stay there, or you can stay in a guest room, whichever your prefer. "

Callen nodded. "Okay, thanks, Brian," he said. He then made the familiar trek upstairs and opened the door to his old room. He quietly entered and sat down on the edge of the bed as his eyes slowly roamed around. From what he could tell, nothing had changed from the time he had used to live there. He sighed softly to himself as his thoughts returned to his father and then to the letters that he had left. At least he assumed there were letters in the envelopes, but he really had no way of knowing. His cell phone suddenly buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket, smiling to himself when he saw his partner's name on the caller ID display. "Hi Sam. How's the vacation?"

"Hey, G. It's good. Michelle and Kamran are off shopping so I thought I'd call and say hi."

"I'm glad you did," Callen said. "Where's Aiden? Did he abandon you too?"

"I've barely seen him this whole trip except for when we've dragged him on sightseeing trips," Sam said with a chuckle. "The little group of friends he's hanging with has a girl he seems pretty smitten with."

Callen smiled. It felt good to hear ordinary, everyday things about Sam's family.

"You still at work?" Sam asked.

"No, Hetty sent everyone home early today," Callen said. He realized, too late, that he probably shouldn't have said that. "Uh…she and Kensi were tired from the trip…"

"Hetty tired?" Sam laughed. "That's a new one. I didn't really think she got tired, G, much less admit it. Kensi either, to be honest."

"Well…they really didn't admit it," Callen said haltingly. "I guess I just assumed it…"

"Did they have a good time?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, Kensi said it was pretty amazing."

"Are you and Deeks doing good?"

"Yeah," Callen said with a nod. "Deeks has been really helpful…with everything." It was true. Deeks had helped him out tremendously since he'd arrived at his house the previous day. He wasn't sure how he would have coped if he hadn't been there for him.

"Well, that's good, G. Hopefully, I'm not being replaced," Sam added jokingly.

"Of course not," Callen said, absently playing with a loose thread on the comforter covering his bed, taking Sam's comment all too seriously. "I would never do that, Sam."

"So, are you home now?"

Callen didn't say anything. He had a hard time with lying outright to his partner, even over the phone.

"G? You there?"

"Yeah, sorry, guess the phone cut out," Callen said, choosing to avoid Sam's previous question. "So, what time are you going to be home on Friday?"

"Should be home around noon. We're leaving very early and we have a nonstop flight. Maybe I'll stop by the office and pass out souvenirs."

"That'd be good," Callen said, swallowing back his emotions. "I mean…I don't care about souvenirs, but…" he trailed off, desperately trying to keep himself in control. He just needed to hang on for another day and a half. He knew it was a long flight and he ought to tell Sam not to come to the office, but selfishly, he wanted him to.

"Are you okay, G?" Sam asked, a note of concern in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, Sam, I'm fine," Callen said, reassuringly, inwardly berating himself. He couldn't give himself away. What kind of an undercover agent would he be if he couldn't keep his emotions under wrap during a telephone call? Even if it was his partner…

"Okay…Guess I should get going. I'll see you Friday."

"Okay…Enjoy the rest of your trip, Sam and have a safe flight back. Tell Michelle and the kids I said hello."

"Will do, G."

Callen clicked off his phone and inhaled deeply before exhaling in a long, slow breath. Not telling Sam what had happened was extremely difficult, much more so than he could have imagined. He stood up and walked over to his dresser and opened the top drawer. His high school yearbook was in there along with his class ring. He hadn't cared about getting either of those items, but Hetty had insisted on buying them for him, saying he would look back on those years fondly someday. He took the yearbook out of the drawer and brought it over to his bed. He then sat down with it as he slowly started going through the pages. He still couldn't say it felt particularly meaningful to look at it, but it was something to focus on other than his father. He wondered what had happened to all these kids, what kinds of lives they lived now. He looked through the pictures of the cheerleaders, the jocks, the members of various clubs with all kinds of activities…it made him realize how little he had really participated in during high school and it didn't make him feel particularly good about himself. He closed the book, then replaced it in the drawer. Every time he relived his past, it only seemed to depress him.

He was saved from delving too deeply into his thoughts by a soft knock on his door. "Mr. Callen? May I come in?"

"Yes, of course, Hetty," he said, a faint smile on his lips as Hetty entered his room.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, studying him contemplatively. "Will you be comfortable enough in this room or would you prefer another?"

"It's my old room, Hetty," Callen replied. "Why wouldn't I be comfortable here?"

"Well, one never knows, Mr. Callen...things change, people change," Hetty replied. "Would you like to join me downstairs for some tea before dinner?"

Callen hesitated only briefly before he nodded. "Sure, Hetty," he said. "That sounds perfect."

They headed downstairs and Hetty beckoned for him to follow her outside. "I think the back garden would be a nice place to enjoy our tea," she said.

"Uh…don't we need to get it?" Callen asked, confused as he followed her.

"I had already prepared it and brought it out here before I went upstairs to fetch you," Hetty said with a smile.

Callen waited for Hetty to sit and then sat down as well. He then gazed around at the pleasant garden surroundings. He had never really cared for it as a boy, but now, he could appreciate the beauty of Hetty's grounds.

"A penny for your thoughts," Hetty said, smiling as she poured him a cup of the hot liquid.

"A penny?" Callen asked with a teasing smile as he took a small sip of the tea. "With inflation and all, don't you think my thoughts are worth more than that? But, if you really want to know, I was actually remembering how you used to drag me out here when I was a kid…I used to hate it."

Hetty laughed. "You did hate it. I never quite understand what your problem was with it, but the look on your face…" She shook her head, the memory as clear as if it had happened only yesterday. "You never said no to it though. I don't ever remember you ever refusing to accompany me."

"No…" Callen said quietly, thinking back. "I wouldn't have refused you, Hetty…"

"You were a good boy," Hetty said softly.

"Even when I was getting into all sorts of trouble?" Callen asked.

Hetty nodded. "Even then. I always knew you had a good heart…you were just a victim of circumstance…"

Callen took another sip of his tea and sat quietly before he finally decided to tell Hetty about what he had found in his father's room. "So…evidently Garrison did have a life insurance policy…"

"Really?" Hetty asked. "You found it?"

Callen nodded. "Yeah…there's a big envelope from a life insurance company. I'm assuming that's his policy. I didn't open it though…"

"I see…" Hetty just nodded, not pushing him for details.

"There was something else…" Callen went on hesitantly. "There were pictures…a lot of them…"

"Of what?" Hetty prodded gently, curious in spite of herself.

"Us…my mom, him…Amy… me…my…my family…" He could feel the tears starting again. He tried momentarily to keep them at bay, but eventually just let them fall. "I don't understand, Hetty," he said softly, shaking his head. "Why didn't he tell me about the pictures? He could have showed me, talked about them…he never even tried to talk to me…just little bits, here and there. I swear he spoke to Alex more than he spoke to me…"

"Oh I'm sure that's not true." Hetty reached across the table and grabbed his hand squeezing it gently, her heart breaking for him and all that he was going through. "I don't think he knew how to talk to you…I think he eventually would have…if only he'd had more time."

"Maybe…I don't know…" He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. "There's just so much I wanted to know, Hetty…and now I never will…and I looked at the pictures and we looked happy...I can't help but ask why he let us go…I told him I understood, but…" He shook his head slowly, knowing he was getting close to losing it, but he wouldn't allow that to happen. He couldn't fall apart in front of her.

"But, I don't, Hetty…" he whispered, looking dejected with his head bowed. "Looking at those pictures…I don't understand how he could have let us go…My mom…my sister…And now he's gone too... They're all gone…"

His entire family was gone and he felt as if he'd lost them all over again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Ugh...just adding this note because it was late when I posted and it totally went out of my mind. As always, I really appreciate my readers and your comments. You've been writing some really nice comments and I thank you so much._

xxxxx

Kensi laid with her head resting on Deeks' chest as he gently twirled her hair around his fingers. "So…" she began hesitantly. "You never really said exactly what happened yesterday. "How did you find out about Callen's dad? Did he call you?"

Deeks shook his head. "No…he was really late for work. I started to get worried. I tried to call, but…he didn't answer…"

Kensi turned onto her side so she could look at Deeks as he spoke, intertwining her fingers with his. "So, what did you do?"

He sighed heavily. "I went to Callen's house…"

"That couldn't have been good," Kensi said, her eyes filled with sympathy.

"No...He didn't even answer the door. I had to pick the lock. I went inside and found him kneeling on the floor by his father's bedside," Deeks said, somewhat teary-eyed, obviously affected by the memory.

"Oh Deeks," Kensi whispered, her own eyes filling with tears, as well. "How awful."

"Yeah, it was really sad…" Deeks shook his head as he thought back. "I felt so bad for him and I didn't really know what to do to help, you know?"

"It would be hard for anyone in that situation," Kensi said softly.

"We took care of everything and then he left to go tell Alex and we met back at the office later. He didn't want anyone else to know though. He was adamant about it…"

"That sounds like him. He's always putting others before himself."

"I know…and I understand that impulse, but I really wish he'd let us take care of him, just a little bit."

"It sounds like he did though, Deeks," Kensi said. "He came back here with you, so on some level, he was letting you help him."

"I guess so…kind of… It was sort of like pulling teeth for it to happen though."

"I feel bad that Callen felt like he'd be intruding if he came back here tonight," Kensi said. "He wouldn't have been…"

"I know," Deeks said softly. "But that's him…he doesn't want to be a bother to anyone."

"But he isn't a bother."

Deeks nodded. "You and I know that, but he doesn't. He just…he seems to have it engrained in him that he's not worth it and that he shouldn't bother people with his emotions or even show his feelings. The foster care system sure didn't do him any favors. I can only imagine the kind of places he stayed in."

"It must have been awful for him. At least, Sam seems able to get through to him."

"Yeah…I'm sure that must have taken a lot of work and patience on Sam's part, especially at the beginning," Deeks said. "It's a miracle they're as close as they are."

"They've been together a long time…they're family…brothers…"

"We're his family too, Kens," Deeks said. "It's just a matter of really getting Callen to see that."

xxxxx

The more he tried to settle down and sleep, the more Callen found himself to be even more wide awake. He tossed and turned and tried to think about anything except his father lying cold and still in the funeral home. Finally, he sat up in bed and stared out the window. The moon was almost full and it shone over Hetty's trees and gardens, casting shadows everywhere. Any other time, it might have seemed beautiful to him, but tonight it just seemed eerie. He wrapped his arms around his chest and shivered slightly, feeling very unsettled. Finally, he got up as quietly as he could, left his room, and walked downstairs to the kitchen. There, he began to browse through Hetty's extensive collection of tea boxes and canisters. He found one that contained chamomile and valerian, among other ingredients, and picked it up. He knew, from past experience, that it could possibly help him to settle down and maybe get some sleep. He put some water in the kettle and scooped some tea into a cup, then took a seat at the kitchen island to wait for the water to boil.

His eyes were closed and Hetty's footsteps light and almost silent, but Callen still heard her as she came into the kitchen. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said softly as he opened his eyes and sent a forlorn look in her direction.

"You didn't," Hetty fibbed and he smirked faintly, knowing better.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked softly, her eyes on the small canister of tea he had chosen.

Callen shook his head.

Hetty was struck by how young he looked, sitting in her kitchen, appearing so sad and lost. He seemed more like the 15-year-old boy she had taken in so many years ago than the capable and expert agent he had turned out to be. "Mr. Callen, is there anything at all I can do to help you through this?" she asked. She hated seeing him like this.

"You can bring him back," Callen said quietly. "Even if it's only for one night…one night for me to ask him questions and get the answers I need to hear."

"You have no idea how much I wish I could do that for you," Hetty said sadly.

He nodded then stared down at his hands which were folded together on top of the island. "I know you do, Hetty," he whispered.

At that point, the kettle began to softly whistle. He made a move to go and get it from the stovetop, but Hetty shook her head and held up her hand. "I'll get it," she said. She went to the stove and turned it off, took the kettle off the burner, then poured some of the hot water into his cup.

"Thanks, Hetty," he whispered. He waited for the tea to cool then took a sip of it.

"Good?" she asked.

Callen nodded as he took another sip.

"Do you think you'd like to just stay here and rest tomorrow?" Hetty suggested gently as she watched him. He really did look exhausted and ought to be taking the bereavement time he was owed.

Callen quickly shook his head. "No thanks, Hetty. I'd prefer to go in."

"Alright. I won't stop you," she said with a nod, "but if you change your mind…"

"I know…" he said softly, giving her a heartfelt look. "But I won't."

Maybe it was for the best, Hetty thought to herself. It was obvious, although Callen was reluctant to express his grief openly, that he was still drawing closer to his team. He was getting some form of comfort from being close to them, whether or not he realized what he was doing.

Callen quietly finished his tea and then covered his mouth as he yawned. "I think I'm going to try again to get some sleep," he said. He stood up and brought his cup over to the sink and rinsed it out, then placed it into the dish drainer. "Good night, Hetty…thanks again for everything…"

"Good night, Mr. Callen. Sleep well," Hetty said. She watched as he slowly walked out of the kitchen, then turned out the light and headed back to her room.

xxxxx

As Callen came into work that morning, he was greeted at the bottom of the staircase by Eric and Nell. "Hey Callen," Eric said, looking at him sadly. "I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your father."

"Thanks, Eric," Callen said.

Nell then stepped forward and embraced him. "Me too, Callen," she said, softly. "I'm really sorry." She stepped back and looked up at him. "If there's anything we can do for you…"

"I'll let you know…thanks, Nell…"

They made small talk for a few minutes and then Callen watched as Nell and Eric headed back upstairs to Ops. He then walked into the bullpen and sat down at his desk. He hated the awkward condolences although he understood why they had to happen. He just never knew what kind of a reaction they would bring about. Sometimes he'd be fine, other times unexpectedly practically brought to tears. It was a constant battle to keep his emotions in check. He supposed if people didn't say anything though that he would be hurt. It was just something he was going to have to go through. He leaned back in his chair with a soft sigh. He was glad he had been the first one to arrive. It was kind of nice to have a little bit of time to himself before Kensi and Deeks got in. He decided to get himself a cup of coffee. Although he had finally managed to get a little bit of sleep after his middle of the night tea break, he knew he hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep the past couple of nights and didn't expect the situation to improve over the upcoming days.

xxxxx

When Kensi and Deeks got in, Kensi immediately went to Callen and hugged him gently. "How are you doing today?" she asked him softly. "Did you get any sleep?"

Callen nodded. "Some. How are you two?" He glanced over at Deeks, including him in the conversation.

"We're good, Callen," Deeks answered. He looked over in the direction of Hetty's office. "Where's Hetty?"

"She's not here yet," Callen explained. "We didn't come in together." He knew he should stop by his house to get the life insurance information. He had to admit having some curiosity about what exactly the policy said regarding beneficiaries. He wished he had taken it with him the day before, but he had just been too overwhelmed after discovering the photographs and envelopes to do so.

He opened up a file on his desk and tried to concentrate on it. The work on old cases they were doing was extremely tedious and he couldn't help but hope for a case, just to give him something new and different to focus on. He felt like he was just trying to pass time until the funeral and it was just difficult to get through each day.

xxxxx

Callen had been lost in his own little world when he suddenly realized that Deeks was talking to him. "Huh?" he asked, looking at Deeks in confusion.

"Kensi and I are going out to get some lunch. Do you want us to get you something?"

"Actually, Ms. Blye and I are going out to lunch," Hetty said, coming into the bullpen.

"We are?" Kensi asked, giving Hetty a look of surprise.

Hetty nodded. "Yes, we are. "I just wanted to discuss a few things about the conference. I thought we would try _Pacifica_ , that new little gourmet café. I've heard very good things about it."

"Okay, that sounds nice, Hetty," Kensi said.

Hetty gave Callen a pointed look. "Why don't you join Mr. Deeks for lunch. It's a nice day. Get out of here for a little bit, both of you."

Callen shook his head. "I have to stop by the house. I want to get the insurance papers."

"You can do that too. You already know you can take any time you need, Mr. Callen."

"I know, but…"

"We don't have an active case at the moment. Its fine, Mr. Callen. Go, get some fresh air, I insist."

"Come on, Callen, let's go," Deeks said, providing an extra push to his team leader.

Reluctantly, Callen shut down his laptop, realizing there really wasn't any way he could keep refusing without his friends worrying about him. He reached for his car keys but Deeks stopped him. "I'll drive, Callen."

"I can drive, Deeks. I need to stop by my house."

"I know. It's not a problem. Come on, let's go." Deeks glanced over at Hetty who nodded at him approvingly and he and Callen left the bullpen area.

xxxxx

Deeks drove into the parking lot of a local diner and parked the car. "Come on, Callen," he said as he took the key out of the ignition.

"I thought you were just getting takeout," Callen said.

Deeks shook his head. "Pretty sure Hetty meant for us to actually eat out."

"She's not going to care, Deeks."

"No?" Deeks pulled out his cell phone. "I'm going to give her a call, just to make sure…"

Callen shook his head, mildly irritated as he reached for the handle of the car door. "Fine, Deeks, come on. Let's go."

Deeks smiled to himself as he got out of the car and the two men walked into the diner and settled into a booth. "I don't know about you, but I'm starved," Deeks said as he reached for the menus and handed one to Callen.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Callen realized he was hungry, as well. "I can definitely eat," he said softly as he started to scan through the menu. There were all kinds of classic comfort foods listed, meatloaf, pot roast, macaroni and cheese, spaghetti and meatballs… He finally decided on the hot turkey sandwich while Deeks went with the meatloaf.

"So how you doing, really?" Deeks asked Callen after they had given their orders to the waitress.

"I'm okay, Deeks," Callen said as he took a sip of water. "I mean…I'm not saying everything is great or anything, but…I'm hanging in there."

Deeks nodded. "Glad to hear it. And you're probably tired of hearing it, but if you need anything Callen…anything at all, all you need to do is ask."

Callen smiled. "Thanks, Deeks. I'm not tired of hearing it…you've been great…everyone has been…"

"You're a good guy, Callen…we'd like to help you if you'll let us."

Callen nodded as he shifted uncomfortably in the booth. He couldn't help but be uneasy with the direction of the conversation and Deeks picked up on it immediately. "Relax Callen…we don't need to talk about it anymore, just making sure you know."

"I do…"

The food came shortly afterwards and both men ate with only a minimal amount of conversation between them. Deeks was glad to see that Callen ate almost everything on his plate. He was sure Hetty would be glad to hear it too. "So, you want to head over to your house?" Deeks asked quietly after they had left the restaurant and were on their way back to his car.

"No, that's okay," Callen said with a shake of his head. "I can just go after work."

"That doesn't make sense, Callen. You're not even taking the days you're owed. You should at least do what you can during the workday if Hetty doesn't mind."

"I won't be working on the day of the funeral," Callen defended, but was stopped in his tracks when Deeks grabbed his arm. "Dammit Callen, the funeral is on Saturday. We don't work Saturday." He faced off against the older agent. "You really need to let up on yourself."

"Let go of me, Deeks," Callen said wearily. He tugged his arm away from Deeks, but he didn't use much force in the effort, nor did Deeks try to stop him.

"Come on, man…" Deeks put his arm around Callen's shoulders and gently guided him to the car. "Let's just go to your house and you tell me what you want, okay? I'll get whatever you need from there. You don't even need to go inside. Just give yourself a break for one day, okay?"

Callen looked at Deeks, his blue eyes tired and filled with emotion and he nodded. "Thanks, Deeks," he whispered as the two men got into the car and seat-belted themselves in. For just this afternoon, he'd do as Deeks wanted and allow the younger man do what he, himself, didn't really feel able to do.


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks to those of you who are reading and have been commenting. It's very much appreciated. To those of you reading FTS, I'm trying to get my head back into it and will try to update it very soon._

xxxxx

Callen couldn't seem to stop fidgeting as Deeks drove to his house. He clenched and unclenched his hands together, shifted his position frequently and played with his seatbelt. It was actually driving Deeks to distraction, but he managed to keep quiet and not say anything to Callen about it. As far as he was concerned, whatever Callen needed to do to get through these days was fine with him. "So, you must be glad Sam's coming home tomorrow," Deeks said finally, just to break the silence in the car.

"Yeah. It will be good to see him," Callen said.

"Are you going to go by his house tomorrow?" Deeks asked. He knew Hetty was after Callen to take some time away from work. It was the Friday before his dad's funeral. The least he should do was to take a half day.

"Sam said he might stop by work tomorrow…"

"Really?" Deeks asked. He glanced at Callen curiously, thinking it would be weird for Sam to pop by work on a Friday at the end of his vacation. "Did you finally tell him what happened?"

Callen shook his head. "No…"

"So why is he coming by?"

"He's not definitely coming by…he just said he might stop by with souvenirs."

"I would think he'd just wait until Monday," Deeks said.

"Yeah…you're right…" Callen went back over the conversation in his head. He'd come close to losing control of his emotions at the end of the conversation, but he was pretty sure that had been after Sam had mentioned possibly coming in. He really didn't think he'd done anything to raise Sam's suspicions. He hoped not anyway, although at this point, it probably didn't make a difference. Sam would be coming home soon enough.

"Callen?"

"Yeah?"

"We're here…"

"Oh…" Callen saw that Deeks had pulled up in front of his house. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed. "

"What do you want me to get?" Deeks asked softly.

Callen nibbled on his lip as he stared at the house and thought about the box with the childhood photographs and the secret envelopes. "I can just go," he said, although he made no move to get out of the car to do so.

"I'm going in Callen," Deeks stated firmly. "Just tell me what you want."

"There's a tin box in my dad's room…bottom drawer of the dresser. At the very top of the box, there's an envelope from a life insurance company…that's all I want, Deeks…"

Deeks nodded. "You don't want the whole box?"

Callen quickly shook his head. "No…just the life insurance envelope." He handed Deeks the key.

"I'll be right back," Deeks said. He opened his car door and walked up to the front of the house and unlocked the door. A slight chill ran through him when he entered the living room, memories of the other day clear in his mind. He sighed heavily and then opened the door to the bedroom, going straight to the dresser and taking the tin box out. He opened it and grabbed the envelope Callen wanted, but his eyes were drawn to the numerous photographs in the box, as well. He couldn't help but look at them and it was obvious the pictures were of Callen's family. "No wonder you were upset," he whispered. Feeling like he was somehow violating Callen's privacy, he closed the lid and replaced the box in the bottom drawer, then returned to his car.

xxxxx

As the afternoon went on, the time dragged excruciatingly slowly for Callen. He actually considered leaving early, but the thought of wandering around Dovecote on his own was not particularly appealing to him either. The work he was doing was so tedious though and did nothing to distract him from his thoughts which were becoming increasingly more morbid as the day went on. Hetty found herself watching her team leader from her office as the afternoon passed by. She knew he was bored, but she couldn't help but be glad they didn't have a case. She wouldn't have wanted him out in the field when he was so obviously and understandably upset. If he was distracted, he could possibly endanger himself or his team members.

Finally, Callen got up and left his desk. Hetty took the opportunity to walk over to the bullpen. "Where did Mr. Callen go off to?" she asked.

"He went to the gym to get in a workout," Kensi told Hetty.

Hetty nodded. "Well, that's probably good for him. Maybe he can work through some of what he's feeling." She turned to Deeks. "How did your lunch with him go?"

"It was fine," Deeks said. "He ate well."

"That's good to hear," Hetty said with a nod. "And you went to his house?"

Deeks nodded, not really wanting to get into details.

Hetty seemed satisfied to hear that and didn't pry any further. "I was thinking it might be nice if the two of you joined us at Dovecote tonight for dinner."

"Uh," Deeks looked over at Kensi who nodded. "Sure."

"I think it would be good for the two of you to be there. You can hopefully provide some distraction for him, perhaps cheer him up a bit."

Deeks doubted that they would be able to cheer Callen up, but he supposed it was worth a try.

"Should we bring anything?" Kensi asked.

Hetty shook her head. "No, no. That won't be necessary. The two of you being there is all I ask."

"You've got it, Hetty," Deeks said softly. "Anything we can do to help."

"I know that, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, giving him a fond smile and then bestowing it on Kensi as well. "Mr. Callen is very lucky to have the two of you."

xxxxx

"Dinner guests?" Callen asked tiredly, noticing that the dining room table was set for four and not the customary two. "I really don't think I'm up for company, Hetty." He looked very subdued and his eyes were red and watery. It was obvious to Hetty that he had been crying and although she felt his sorrow almost as badly as if it was her own, she was glad he wasn't keeping everything inside. "I'm not that hungry anyway."

"Come, have some tea with me," Hetty said, leading him into the living room. He wearily slumped onto the sofa and Hetty went to get the tea. When she returned, his eyes were closed and she questioned whether inviting Kensi and Deeks to dinner had been a bad idea. She quietly placed the tea tray on the coffee table and took a seat next to him.

"Thank you, Hetty," he said as he picked up the teacup and took a sip. He could finally admit to himself that he was utterly exhausted. Maybe he would actually be able to sleep later.

"I invited Mr. Deeks and Ms. Blye for dinner. So you don't need to worry about keeping up appearances."

"You don't need to worry about me, Hetty," he said.

"But I do worry about you, Mr. Callen. But this dinner isn't about you. I just thought it would be nice to have a team dinner for a change."

"When Sam's not here?" Callen asked, giving her a piercing look. He knew why she had invited the junior team members. He wasn't sure why he was butting heads with her on it.

"It will be fine," she assured him. "They won't stay late."

He sighed to himself and drank some more tea. It wasn't that he minded Kensi and Deeks coming. He was just really tired and out of sorts.

The doorbell rang and a few moments later, Brian led Kensi and Deeks into the living room. "Please, have a seat," Hetty directed them. "Would you like some tea?" she asked.

The junior agents both declined.

"Perhaps something a bit stronger?" Hetty asked, a faint smile on her lips.

Kensi shook her head. "I'm good, Hetty, thank you."

"I'm fine, as well," Deeks said. He glanced over at Callen and his heart went out to him. It was very evident he wasn't doing well. He knew Hetty was hopeful he and Kensi could bring a bit of brightness to the evening, but he really wasn't sure how.

"You must be glad that Sam will be home tomorrow," Kensi said to Callen. "I know I miss him. I can't imagine how you feel."

"Yeah, I do miss the big guy," Callen admitted, a tight smile on his lips. "It'll be good to see him." It had been really hard to keep what had happened from Sam. Although it wasn't going to be an easy conversation, he really did need to unburden himself to his partner.

"I'm going to go get the dinner," Hetty said as she got to her feet.

"I'll help," Kensi said, quickly standing as well and following Hetty out of the room.

"You sure you don't want a drink?" Callen asked Deeks after the women had left. "Hetty has just about everything you could want."

Deeks shook his head. "Maybe later." He looked at Callen searchingly. "Sorry if this isn't what you expected for this evening. Did you even know we were coming?"

"It's fine, Deeks," Callen said, covering his mouth as he unsuccessfully tried to stifle a yawn.

"Don't worry…we're not planning on staying long."

Callen smirked. "I'm sure Hetty has something special planned for dessert. You'd better not run out too quickly. She won't be pleased."

"What are we having for dinner anyway, do you know?"

"I think she made lasagna. If she did, you're in for a treat."

"Yeah? That sounds good."

"Whatever she made will be good," Callen responded. He looked at Deeks thoughtfully, then spoke softly, "hey, Deeks?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say thanks…" Callen looked down at the floor then back at the younger man.

"Thanks for what?" Deeks asked.

"For everything you've done for me the past few days…It hasn't gone unnoticed or unappreciated."

"It's not a big deal, Callen," Deeks said with a shake of his head.

"It has been to me," Callen said earnestly. "It means a lot…really…"

Deeks shrugged, looking a little bit uncomfortable at the praise. "We're a team, Callen…we're family…"

Callen stared back at Deeks, overcome by emotion, once again. "Yeah…you're right, Deeks," he said softly. "We are family…"


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi everyone, as always, thanks for all your super nice notes of support. I really appreciate it. I know I sound like a broken record, but regarding FTS, I'm trying, but evidently I'm having the same aversion to Callen's team therapy session as he would be having. Hopefully soon…_

 _Thanks so much for reading._

xxxxx

The dinner didn't go quite as well as Hetty would have liked. The conversation consisted basically of small talk and discussing work. It seemed inappropriate for Deeks to try to introduce any kind of levity into the evening, not to mention it was blatantly obvious that Callen was exhausted. He participated only very minimally in the conversation and Kensi and Deeks called it a night shortly after they had finished eating.

"I'm going to head up to bed," Callen told Hetty after they had said their goodbyes.

"Are you feeling alright?" Hetty asked him, unable to hide the concern in her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm just tired, Hetty," he said softly. "Maybe tonight I'll be lucky and get a good night's sleep."

"I hope so," Hetty said. "Pleasant dreams, Mr. Callen."

"Good night, Hetty."

Callen headed upstairs to his room. However, as tired as he was, he still found himself tossing and turning until almost midnight. Then, finally, he slipped into an exhausted sleep. At about 4 a.m. though, he awoke abruptly. Still feeling worn out, he sat up in bed, yawned and stretched. He really didn't want to be up so early as he was not particularly looking forward to the day ahead of him. He was anxiously awaiting Sam's arrival home, although he wasn't quite sure how he was going to be able to tell his partner what had happened without breaking down. He'd been able to do it with Alex. He had wanted to be strong for her, but Sam…Sam was a different story entirely.

His thoughts of his half-sister made him think about the life insurance envelope which he had left untouched since Deeks had given it to him. He wasn't sure why he hadn't opened it. What was he waiting for? He got out of bed and went over to the dresser where his laptop bag was. He opened it up and pulled out the envelope. He then went back to the bed and sat down with the envelope in his lap. He stared at it for a good five minutes before he finally picked it up and opened it. He slowly turned the pages of the policy until he got to the beneficiary information. His eyes widened when he saw the amount, two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to be split equally between himself and Alex. He imagined the policy had gone through a lot of changes over the years as members of the family had been subtracted and added. He sighed as he closed up the policy and put it back into the envelope. He would have to make time to speak with Alex about it after the funeral. He imagined that such an amount could be life-changing to her and her son.

He'd been pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, but he was still tired and decided to lay down for a while longer. This time, exhaustion overcame him and he slipped off to sleep very quickly.

xxxxx

"Good morning, Mr. Callen," Hetty greeted Callen as he came into the kitchen, showered and dressed. "How did you sleep?"

"Not too badly," he replied. "How are you today?"

"I'm fine, and in the mood for a hearty breakfast. What would you like? Bacon and eggs? French toast?"

"You don't have to cook for me," Callen said with a shake of his head. "I can just grab something on the way in to work."

"I think you should have something a bit more substantial than a donut," Hetty said.

"I'm really not that hungry, Hetty."

"Humor me, Mr. Callen. I'll make some French toast for you."

Knowing that Hetty wasn't going to back down easily, Callen decided to give in. "Can I do anything to help?" he asked.

"Just keep me company, while I make this. It won't take long."

Callen went over to Hetty's coffee maker and picked up the mug from the countertop, which he knew she had left for him. "Can I pour you a cup?" he asked.

"No thank you. I'll stick with my tea. What time do you expect Sam and his family to return today?" Hetty asked as she gathered the ingredients for the French toast batter.

"Sam said they would be back around noon."

Hetty nodded. "Are you going to his house later?"

"Well…he said he might stop by the office…" However, the more he thought about it, Callen really didn't think that was going to happen. Sam had no idea about his father and would likely be wiped out after the flight. There was no reason for him to go into work. "If not…yeah, I guess I'll stop by his house…"

"Hmm…" Hetty looked at him, sensing his hesitancy. "You really have to do this, Mr. Callen," she said. "He needs to know. If you're not going to tell him, I will."

"I understand that, Hetty," Callen said with a sigh. "Don't worry…I'll tell him."

"Fine." Hetty focused her attention on making breakfast, leaving Callen alone with his thoughts.

"Thanks for making this," Callen said, a few minutes later when she placed a plate of food in front of him.

"You're welcome," Hetty said as she took a seat.

He poured a generous amount of syrup on the French toast and took a bite. "It's really good," he said after he had swallowed it. Hetty smiled, glad to see him eating and seemingly in relatively good spirits, considering what he was going through.

"So…" Callen said when he was about halfway through his breakfast. "I finally took a look at the life insurance policy…"

"Oh?" Hetty looked at him curiously, but didn't press him.

Callen nodded. "He left two hundred and fifty thousand dollars to be split equally between me and Alex."

"That's a good deal of money," Hetty said.

"Yeah…" Callen sighed.

Hetty looked at him curiously. "Most people would consider that a good thing, Mr. Callen."

"I know…it is…I mean, it will be good for Alex and Jake and I can use it towards…" He hesitated and swallowed hard before going on. "Towards the funeral expenses… I don't even know what to do with the rest of it…"

"Why do you need to make a decision now?" Hetty was truly puzzled as she looked at him. "Just put it away until you need it or decide what you'd like to do with it. There's certainly no urgency with the situation."

"I know…" Callen said, absently moving pieces of French toast around on his plate. His appetite was pretty much gone by this point. "I just…I don't get it. He left us all this money, but…he never…he never felt I was important enough to talk to about anything. I just…" He shook his head. "Forget it."

Hetty looked at him sadly. "I don't think your father knew how to talk to you," she said softly. "I truly believe he wanted to and he would have eventually. Unfortunately, he just ran out of time…"

"Maybe…I don't know…we should probably get going soon."

Hetty nodded, realizing that he was done with both the conversation and his breakfast. She had a feeling it was going to be a very long day.

xxxxx

"What is he doing?" Kensi whispered to Deeks. They were standing across from the bullpen area, their eyes on Callen.

"He's not doing anything, Kens," Deeks replied with a shrug. "Does it really matter?"

Kensi shook her head slowly. "No…it doesn't matter, but why is he even here? He should just leave."

Deeks turned to face Kensi, his face serious. "He's here because we're his family. He won't admit it, but he doesn't want to be alone. He can't handle it yet. The guy spent his life without a family, finally finds his father and then he's ripped away from him before he even got the chance to establish a decent relationship with him. So right now, we're it for him."

Kensi's eyes began to well. "I just feel so sad for him…I wish there was something we could do to help…"

"You're doing it, Miss Blye," Hetty said, coming up alongside her. "Just being there for him, being his friend. That's the most important thing you can do for him right now."

"Of course, that goes without saying, Hetty," Kensi said sadly. "I just wish there was more though…"

Hetty took Kensi's hand and squeezed it gently. "Standing by him is what he needs. Trust me on that. Why don't you see if you can get him out of here for lunch a little later, seeing as we're so slow? I think a long lunch would be good in this situation, perhaps somewhere nice, near the water? You can put it on your expense account. I'll take care of it." Hetty smiled at the two of them and then slowly walked back to her desk.

xxxxx

Callen had given up even the pretense that he was working. He had tried going through some files when he had first arrived that morning, but had found himself totally unable to focus and had soon abandoned that. He had since searched for interesting YouTube videos, browsed through time wasting websites, had done some online jigsaw puzzles and was now in the midst of coloring a picture online.. The day was going by extremely slowly. It was barely time for lunch and he felt like it should be time to leave for the day.

"Callen?"

"Yeah?" Callen turned toward Kensi.

"Do you want to come out to lunch with me and Deeks?"

"Uh…" Callen shook his head. "No…today's not the best day."

"Why not?" Deeks got up and made his way over to them. "Because you're too busy **_working_**?"

Callen nibbled on his lower lip, looking slightly guilty. "We just went out to lunch yesterday, Deeks."

"But I didn't get to go with you," Kensi said. "Please?"

Callen sighed softly. Saying that he wasn't hungry just got people worried. He also knew that Kensi had to have seen some of the sites on his laptop which had nothing at all to do with work, including the half-finished scenic picture currently on his screen, which he was filling in with colors. "Okay, I'll go," he finally said.

"Is there any particular restaurant you'd like to go to?" Deeks asked.

Callen shook his head. "It doesn't matter to me. You two can decide."

"How about **_On The Waterfront Café_**?" Kensi suggested after thinking for a few moments. "We can eat outside." The restaurant had an eclectic menu and was down on Venice Beach, which would hopefully provide Callen with plenty of distractions from thinking about his father.

"Fine with me," Callen said with a shrug.

"Let's go," Deeks said.

xxxxx

Forty five minutes later, the three were seated at an outdoor table, perusing through the menus in the sunshine.

"It really is a beautiful day," Kensi said.

Deeks was scanning through the menu and was the first one to notice. 'You've got to be kidding me,' he thought to himself as he stared at the words, _beef stroganoff_. 'Give me a break.' His eyes kept going to Callen and he knew the moment the agent saw it. Callen gasped softly and licked his lips then quickly grabbed his water glass and took a couple of sips. His eyes then met Deeks briefly and a silent moment of understanding passed between them. Nothing was mentioned. Each man knew and acknowledged that the other man knew as well. Deeks just hoped to God that Kensi wouldn't order that although it wasn't anything she had ever ordered in the past.

"I think I'm going to get the grilled chicken quesadilla," Kensi finally stated.

Deeks breathed a sigh of relief when Kensi revealed her choice. "I think I'll get the tuna salad sandwich. What looks good to you, Callen?"

"I'm going to have the grilled chicken breast sandwich," Callen replied.

Deeks felt a little bit better after they placed their orders and the waitress took away the menus. "You hear from Sam yet?" he asked Callen. He was pretty sure he hadn't as Callen hadn't really been on the phone all day, as far as he had noticed, but maybe he had gotten a text.

Callen shook his head as he glanced at his watch. "No, but they probably just landed not long ago. I wouldn't expect to hear from him until later."

Deeks nodded and the conversation stalled as they just quietly observed the people around them. Usually they would have been talking about how glad they were that it was Friday and their upcoming weekend plans, but for the three of them, the next day was going to consist of a funeral and none of them was about to bring that up. In any case, at least the food came quickly.

"So, I'm guessing Hetty put you up to this?" Callen asked after he had eaten half his sandwich.

"Put us up to what?" Deeks asked.

"This lunch."

"Why would Hetty have to put us up to it, Callen?" Kensi asked. "We have lunch together a lot."

"So you're saying she didn't ask you to take me out to lunch?" Callen asked, his eyes narrowing as he looked back at her.

"She might have mentioned something about us going out to lunch," Kensi said, "but it's not like we wouldn't have invited you anyway."

"She's right, Callen," Deeks said supportively. "We definitely would have asked you to come out with us."

Callen nodded. He didn't even know why he was putting them on the spot. It was good that they had gotten out of the office for a while. He was just feeling on edge. "Well, thanks. It was a good idea," he said softly, feeling better when Kensi and Deeks both smiled. He was sure this whole situation wasn't easy for them to deal with either. He certainly didn't want to add to their stress. He gave them a faint smile in return and went back to eating his lunch.

xxxxx

After the team returned to the office, Callen basically surfed the Internet, not even really registering what he was looking at. He couldn't believe they still didn't have a case. He was beginning to wonder if Hetty was somehow deflecting the cases away from them. He'd be curious if the cases magically returned the following week once Sam was back. At 2:30, Callen's cell phone buzzed and he saw Sam's name appear on the caller ID. "Hey, Sam," Callen said after quickly grabbing his phone. "How was your trip home?"

"Hey G…it was fine, long…"

"I'm sure it was."

"How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm good," Callen said evenly.

"Well, I wanted to let you know I'm not going to make it into the office today."

"Yeah, I kind of figured as much," Callen said. "Why would you want to battle Friday afternoon traffic to come in to work at the end of your vacation?"

"I'd like to see you though. Can you come over for dinner?"

"Does Michelle really feel like cooking after you've all been away for a week and a half?" Callen asked. Inwardly, he asked himself what the heck he was doing. He needed to go over there. Was he trying to get uninvited?

"It'll be nice to have a home cooked meal for a change," Sam said. "I'd imagine for you too, G. You've probably been living on all kinds of takeout food."

"What time should I come?"

"Just come over after work, okay?"

"Yeah…okay, Sam. I'll see you later."

Callen clicked his phone off and stared down at it. He could already feel his emotions beginning to rise to the surface once again. This wasn't going to be easy.

xxxxx

Callen rang Sam's doorbell and stood nervously outside as he waited for someone to answer. His hands were shoved into his jacket pockets as he clenched and unclenched his fists and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Uncle Callen!" Kam squealed as she opened the door and threw her arms around him. "I missed you!"

"Hey, Kamran, I missed you too," Callen said as he returned her hug and looked into the living room, only to see Aiden approaching him.

"Hey, Uncle Callen," Aiden said, clasping his hand tightly. "Good to see you."

"It's good to see you too, Aiden," Callen said. "How was your vacation?"

"It was great. Really great," Aiden said with a grin. "I'm definitely going to go back there someday."

Callen nodded. "Hawaii's a beautiful place. Your dad and I were there a few years back, but we didn't have much time to enjoy it." They'd been too busy trying to prevent a biological attack and tracking, then killing, Dracul Comescu.

"G!" Sam came into the living room, grinning. He went to his partner and immediately pulled him into a hug. "How are you?" he asked. He pulled back from Callen, but kept his hands on his shoulders as he looked him over. "I swear, G, it hasn't even been two weeks and you look skinnier than last time I saw you."

It was taking every ounce of strength and self-control Callen could muster up not to lose it. "I… Sam? Can we talk? Alone?" he finally managed to get out as Sam released his grip on him.

At that moment, Sam really looked at his partner and could see how exhausted he appeared, the dark circles under his eyes prominent against his pale complexion. He immediately put his arm around Callen's shoulders and guided him towards the den. "Of course, G, come with me." They went into the den and Sam closed the door quietly behind them. "You want to sit?"

Callen shook his head and just stood there, his head slightly bowed as he stared down at the floor.

"Come on, G…You're making me really nervous here," Sam said, filled with concern for his friend. "What is it? What's happened?"

"I…" Callen took a deep breath as he tried to slow his breathing which was becoming fast and shallow. He could also feel his heartbeat increasing and knew he needed to calm himself down.

"Please, G… Please tell me…" Sam implored, his tone extremely gentle.

"It's my dad…" Callen finally managed to say, the words coming out barely over a whisper. "He's dead, Sam…he's dead."

"Oh, G…" Sam shook his head, his eyes filled with sadness and compassion for his partner as he went to him and pulled him into a bear hug. "I'm sorry, G," he said, holding him tightly. "I'm so sorry."

Overcome with emotion and safe in the comforting embrace of his best friend, Callen could no longer hold in the tears he'd been trying to hide from everyone for days. He began to sob heavily into Sam's chest as his partner held him tightly and offered him soft words of comfort.


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks for all your support for the last chapter. I'm pretty sure I missed a lot of thank yous on that one. I think I've been writing too much these days and losing track of other things. Will try to do better. Please know that I appreciate all of you who have taken the time to comment :)_

 _Thanks Debbie for letting me know about the error! I made a small change in this chapter and uploaded a chapter of "The Babysitter" instead, by mistake. Too many stories lol. :)_

xxxxx

Finally, Callen cried himself out. He pulled away from his partner, more than a little bit embarrassed. Although he had anticipated that he might lose control of his feelings when he told Sam about his father, he hadn't anticipated losing them that badly. "Sorry about that," he muttered as he pulled away from Sam's arms.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," Sam said softly. "Well, maybe about one thing, but showing your feelings isn't it."

Callen looked back at Sam in confusion, unsure about what he was referring to. "What should I be sorry about?" he asked softly.

"Why didn't you tell me what happened, G?" Sam asked. "How many times have I spoken to you since your father died and you acted like everything was fine? I don't understand."

"I'm sorry, Sam…I just couldn't tell you," Callen said with a slight shrug as he stared down at the floor.

"Why? Why couldn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to ruin your vacation. You and your family have been looking forward to it for a long time. I just couldn't do it." Callen started to look at all the various artwork on the walls of Sam's den. He'd never really noticed it before.

"Come on, G…you know how important you are to me. Well, at least you should know by now. I would have come back here in a heartbeat if I knew you needed me."

"Don't you see, Sam? That's exactly what I didn't want. That's why I couldn't tell you."

Sam shook his head. "You're not making sense."

"You coming home would have ruined your vacation, plus Michelle and the kids' vacations. Sorry, but I wasn't about to do that."

"What about Hetty? Did you tell her?"

"She found out the next day, when she and Kensi got back."

"So you had to deal with this all on your own?" Sam asked, looking very unhappy about it.

"No, I didn't deal with it alone, Sam," Callen said slowly. "I had Deeks helping me out… He was great."

Sam looked at Callen doubtfully.

"It's true, Sam. He really came through for me. He was there for me every step of the way. He…he found me the day it happened. I was kind of a mess. I stayed with him that night. He's really been there for me, all week long, whatever I've needed."

"Well…I'm glad he was there for you, then, but even so, you should have told me."

"You're just not getting it, Sam," Callen said with a soft sigh. He moved away from his friend and focused his attention on a sculpture. "You have some nice things in here."

Sam shook his head in exasperation. "Really, G? Are we going to talk about artwork now? If you want to change the subject, you could be a little more subtle about it."

Callen shrugged. "I never noticed it before, I guess."

"Maybe because you're never really in this room."

"Who got all this stuff, you or Michelle?"

"We both did," Sam said, becoming more aggravated. "Will you please focus? Since when do you care about art? Why didn't you tell me? I want to know."

"I don't think you'd understand," Callen said as he walked over to the window and stared outside into the yard for a few moments before turning back to his partner.

"Try me."

"Okay, fine… Memories, Sam… It has to do with memories," Callen said slowly. "Do you have any idea what I would give to have memories of just one trip like that from my childhood? To have gone somewhere…anywhere… with my mom, dad and sister?" Callen's eyes filled and he hesitated then took a deep breath before going on. "I…I missed out on that and I would never want to be the cause of robbing your children of those memories. They're growing up, Sam…not a lot of time left for those family vacations. You're a good dad…Michelle is a good mom. You deserve to have as many of those special moments with your family as you can. I wouldn't want you to lose one second of those times because of me."

"I…" Sam looked back at his friend, both men clearly emotional. "Okay, G…I still wish you would have told me, but, I get it…and I thank you. I just wish sometimes you'd think a little bit more about yourself and a little bit less about other people. I know you don't think you deserve that…but you do…"

Callen didn't respond. He knew there was no way he would ever choose himself over Sam or any member of his family. He loved them all too much for that ever to even be a consideration.

xxxxx

A knock sounded on the door to the den. "Daddy?" Kamran called out. "Mom said to tell you dinner is ready whenever you and Uncle Callen would like to eat."

"Thanks, Kamran," Sam called back to her. "We'll be there soon." He looked at his partner, trying to judge how he was doing. "So…when is the funeral, G?" he asked quietly. "Please don't tell me you already had it."

"No…it's tomorrow morning at 10…at O'Brien's Funeral Home. Well, there will be a one hour wake and then the funeral at 11. It's just going to be a small service. Alex said she wouldn't be expecting many people and I won't be either."

"Michelle and I will be there, G, but you already know that."

"I do," Callen said, giving his partner a small smile. "Thank you."

"No thanks necessary," Sam said quietly. "We're family. So…you ready to have some dinner?"

Callen nodded. "Yeah, that sounds pretty good, Sam."

Sam squeezed Callen's shoulder encouragingly and they headed out to have dinner with Sam's family.

xxxxx

Knowing something was up with Callen, Michelle gave curious glances to him and Sam during the meal, but didn't ask questions. She knew Callen well enough by now to know if he didn't want to talk about something, he wouldn't. Instead, they chatted about their vacation. Callen seemed content to hear about what they had done and the places they had visited.

"Daddy bought you a present in Hawaii," Kam told Callen during dessert of a chocolate cream pie which Michelle had pulled from the freezer earlier.

"Oh yeah? What is it?" Callen asked, smiling at her.

"I can't tell you. It's a surprise. "

"Okay. I guess I'll just have to wait and see then."

"I guess you will," Kam said, smiling impishly.

After dinner, Aiden and Kamran cleared the table while the adults went into the living room. Sam gave Callen a questioning look and he nodded at his partner. "So, Michelle…G told me some sad news earlier," Sam said. "His father passed away on Tuesday."

"Oh no," Michelle's eyes immediately filled with emotion as she went and embraced Callen. "I'm so sorry," she said softly. "What can we do?"

"Thanks, Michelle," Callen said, once again fighting to keep his feelings under wraps. "Everything's pretty much taken care of."

"The service is tomorrow morning," Sam told her.

"Of course we'll be there."

Callen smiled, but didn't speak, afraid his emotions would get the best of him.

"Are you going to give Uncle Callen his present now?" Kamran asked as she and Aiden came out into the living room.

"We don't have to do this now, G," Sam said, unsure about his partner's emotional state.

"I like presents, Sam," Callen said, a trace of his familiar smirk on his lips.

"Okay." Sam got up from the sofa and left the room, returning a few minutes later with a flat, wrapped package. "This is part of why it threw me when you were looking at all the art earlier," he said as he handed the package to Callen.

Callen carefully opened the package to reveal a large piece of highly polished wood with an intricate design carved into it. "It's beautiful," Sam." Callen lightly ran his fingertips over the lines and curves of the carving. "Thank you so much."

"It's made of Koa wood," Kamran explained to Callen. "Daddy bought it in a gallery. That symbol means brotherhood. Daddy got it because you and he are just like brothers. You can hang it over your fireplace."

At that, Callen had to take a deep breath, very much in danger of losing it. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut for a few moments, willing the tears not to escape. A few were able to free themselves and trickle down his cheeks, but for the most part, he was able to keep himself together.

"What's wrong?" Kamran asked, looking at Callen with concern.

"Your dad's gift just made your Uncle Callen very happy, that's all," Michelle said quickly.

"I'm glad," Kamran said, giving Callen an impulsive hug. "Daddy wanted to find you something special."

"Well, he definitely did," Callen said, in a choked up voice as he cast a grateful look at his partner.

xxxxx

Callen stayed for about another hour as Kamran showed him a multitude of pictures from the trip on her cell phone. Then, he gave Michelle a hug, thanked her for dinner and after saying goodbye to the kids, Sam walked him outside to his car. "I really am sorry about your dad, G," Sam said softly, pulling the smaller man into a hug.

"Thanks, Sam," Callen gave his partner an emotional smile as he pulled back. "And thanks for this gift…You shouldn't have done it, but it really means a lot."

"I wanted to get you something that shows what you mean to me," Sam said softly. "Sometimes, I think you forget."

"I think I know that, Sam," Callen said, "but this is a very nice reminder." He sighed softly. It was getting late and he was sure the next day would be a long and stressful one. "I guess I'd better go…I don't want Hetty to worry…"

"I'm glad you're staying with her," Sam said. He knew Callen would be returning to his house any time now, but he thought it was good he had been staying with Deeks and now Hetty, at least until after the funeral. "You take care of yourself, G…try to get some rest."

"I will…Thanks, Sam…for everything."

"I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

"Good night, Sam…see you tomorrow…"

Callen then got into his car and drove back in the direction of Dovecote, finally allowing some tears to fall, once he had driven out of sight of the Hanna home.


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks to those of you who are still reading and supporting this and my other stories. I really appreciate it. Special thanks for the very nice guest reviews which I could not respond to personally and to French Fan who has been amazingly supportive with all my stories. Thanks so much._

xxxxx

When Callen returned to Dovecote after visiting the Hanna's house, there was no sign of Hetty so he assumed she was in bed. He went upstairs to his room and there, hanging up, was a black suit, dress shirt, tie and dress shoes. "Thank you, Hetty," he whispered. He had planned on having to go home early the following morning to dress. She had saved him that hassle and he was grateful that there would be one less stress the following day.

He got undressed and got into bed, shivering slightly as he burrowed under the covers. He was very tired, but his mind was going nonstop and he couldn't settle down to sleep. He thought about going down to the kitchen for some tea, but didn't really feel like doing that either. He couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow. He would be glad when it was over. He had never been a family member at a wake or funeral before. Of course, he'd gone to many of them in the past, but this was going to be very different. His nerves were very much on edge. He finally sat up in bed and searched for the remote control to the television, finally finding it in the top drawer of the nightstand. He then turned on the television set and began absently flicking through the channels. He finally stopped on ESPN and started watching sports highlights. They kept playing the same clips over again continuously, which eventually bored him into drowsiness, and finally, he fell asleep with the television set still playing in the background.

xxxxx

He awoke early, at about 7:30 and went downstairs where he found Hetty already up and having a cup of tea in the living room. "Good morning, Hetty," he said softly.

"Good morning, Mr. Callen. Did you manage to get some sleep?" she asked, observing him closely.

Callen nodded. "I slept okay. Thank you for bringing the suit. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome," Hetty said. "It wasn't a problem and I thought it would help you out not to have to worry about what you were going to wear today. How was your visit with Mr. Hanna last evening?"

"It was good," Callen said. "I'm glad he's back and that I finally told him…"

Hetty nodded. She knew it must have been good for Callen to finally unburden himself to his partner. She wished he had done it sooner, but she had to respect the decision he had made to wait to tell Sam. In any case, it didn't matter now. Sam knew and that was the important thing.

"Can I get you some breakfast?" she asked.

Callen quickly shook his head. "I don't think I could eat right now," he admitted. His stomach was a jumbled up mess of what felt like butterflies and bats bouncing around inside it. "I'll eat later on, at the restaurant."

"Well, surely a cup of tea before you get ready," Hetty coaxed.

"Alright," he agreed.

Hetty quickly got to her feet. "Sit down. I'll go find you something I think will be calming for you."

He didn't bother to tell her that he didn't need to be calmed. He knew she'd see right through it. He did as she directed and took a seat on the sofa. A few minutes later, Hetty returned and handed him a steaming cup of tea.

"Thank you," he said as he took it from her.

"What time are you planning on being at the funeral home?" she asked him.

"I'm meeting Alex there at 9:30," he said before taking a sip of the tea. "This is good."

"Is there anything I can do for you to make your morning any easier?" Hetty asked. "Is everything all set for the restaurant?"

"Everything's been taken care of, Hetty," he replied. "In any case, you've done enough, getting me the suit and letting me stay here."

"Oh, Mr. Callen…you know I've always wanted you to think of this as your own home. You are welcome here at any time. I would hope you would know that by now."

He looked down at the floor and then back at Hetty. "I do know that," he said softly, "and I appreciate it."

After that, the two sat in companionable silence as they drank their tea. When he was finished, Callen sighed softly and stood up. "Can I take your cup to the kitchen?"

Hetty shook her head. "I'll take care of it. Go and get yourself ready."

"Okay…thank you, Hetty," he said quietly. He then headed off to shower and dress.

xxxxx

When Callen was ready to leave, he took the life insurance information and headed back downstairs. Hetty was still in the living room and reached towards him to straighten his tie. "You look very handsome," she said with a reassuring smile. She could see how tense he was and wished there was something she could do to help him, but she knew he was just going to have to get through the day. "I'll see you there in a little while."

"Okay…I'll see you soon, Hetty," he forced a trace of a smile and headed out as Hetty watched him go. She couldn't help but wonder why things always seemed to go so badly for him. For him to have found his father and then have him be snatched away before he got all the answers he had been seeking, was a very cruel and sad twist of fate.

xxxxx

Callen reached the funeral home a bit earlier than expected and was there before Alex arrived. He left the life insurance information in the car, figuring he would show it to Alex at the restaurant after everything was over with. He then slowly made his way to the door. The funeral director greeted him and led him into the room where the wake and service would be taking place. He could see the casket set up to one side with a lot of flowers surrounding it. The funeral director left him alone and he stood there, just staring into the room. Finally, he forced himself to approach the casket. He had been keeping himself together relatively well, but when he reached the casket and saw his father, the tears began to flow almost immediately.

"So…this is how it ends," he said softly. "I…I imagined a lot of scenarios over the years, but this was never one of them." He found himself looking at the flower arrangements. One from him, one from Alex and Jake, Kensi and Deeks, Hetty, Eric and Nell, Gibbs, Abby, the NCIS corporate office…there was even one from Sam's family although he had no idea how Sam had gotten it there so quickly. Knowing his partner, Sam had hand delivered it there earlier that morning. There were other arrangements from unfamiliar people who he assumed were friends of Alex's.

"When I was growing up…I envied the kids with parents, stable homes, siblings and pets. I always wished…" he trailed off and just stared at his father. "Why couldn't things have been different between us? Wasn't I good enough? Why couldn't you have talked to me? Why couldn't you have just been my dad?" His voice broke then and he bowed his head just letting his tears fall.

"Grisha?"

He turned and saw Alex standing there, looking at him sympathetically. She went to him and hesitantly embraced him.

"Hi…" he said as he pulled back after a few moments and quickly wiped his tears away with his hand. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good…I mean…you know…" she shrugged.

"Yeah…I know…"

"It's different for me," she said softly. "I always had a mom…well until recently, but I grew up with her." She shook her head slowly. "I never had to go through what you did…I never searched for him…I never knew anything about him."

He didn't know what to say. "I…I just wanted more time. I really thought we'd be able to fix things, but…I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"I'm sorry, Grisha."

He nodded and walked away, letting her have her own private time with their father. He went into the hallway and took a few deep breaths, trying to settle his anxiety. He hated this…all of it. There was a tiny part of him that wanted to flee. Escape from what was happening and never look back. He knew he couldn't do it, but it didn't stop him from thinking about it.

He heard the door to the funeral home opening and quickly turned his head to see his partner walk inside. "Hey, G," Sam said, as he gave Callen a warm hug. "I know I'm early, but…I didn't know if you'd need a friend… I can go back outside to wait for a bit."

"No," Callen said quickly. "I…I'm glad you're here, Sam."

"You hanging in there?"

Callen shrugged. "I just keep thinking back to when we first found him and…I don't know, it gave me hope, I guess, but…" he shook his head and looked down at the carpet. "I should have known better…"

"I'm sorry, G…" Sam said quietly. "I'm very sorry that things didn't work out between you and your father the way you hoped they would."

Callen took a deep breath and let it out shakily. "I know you are. You've been through a lot of this journey with me and I appreciate it, more than you could ever know."

Sam just nodded and gave his partner a heartfelt look as he squeezed his shoulder supportively.

"I guess I should get back to Alex," Callen said. "People will be coming in soon."

Sam nodded. "Michelle and the kids are outside waiting. I'll see you in a few."

"The kids?" Callen asked, his eyes widening slightly. "They didn't have to come, Sam, especially Kam."

"They're not babies anymore," Sam said. "They wanted to come. They love you. They wanted to be here for you."

Callen nodded and his eyes began to well. Sam then embraced his partner once again. "I'm here for you, G…whatever you need, okay?"

"I know you're here for me…" Callen pulled back and gave his partner a hint of a smile. "You always have been."

He then watched as Sam went back outside before he headed into the room to stand with Alex.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks so much for all the nice comments after the previous chapter. I really appreciate it._

xxxxx

Deeks and Kensi were the first in line. They made their way to where Garrison lay and then went over to Callen and Alex to pay their respects. "How are you holding up?" Deeks asked as he drew Callen in for a hug.

"Okay," Callen said with a shrug. "You know…"

Deeks nodded. "If there's anything I can do…" He drew back from Callen and moved aside so Kensi could speak with him.

"Let us know if you need anything." Kensi hugged him tightly. "Anything at all, okay?"

"Thanks, Kens," he said, nodding.

Some friends of Alex's were next. They introduced themselves to him and then went on to speak with Alex.

Next was Hetty. "Are you alright?" she asked, looking up at him with sorrowful eyes after giving him a heartfelt hug.

"I'm fine, Hetty." He was trying very hard to be strong. He didn't want to turn into a blubbering mess. She gave him a tight smile and moved on to greet Alex.

Sam and his family were next. "I'm so sorry, Callen," Michelle hugged him tightly, her eyes filled with sympathy. "You already know, if there's anything we can do…"

"Thank you, Michelle," he said huskily. "I do know that."

"I'm really sorry, Uncle Callen," Aiden said. He extended his hand to Callen, but then ended up embracing him.

"Thanks, Aiden…I know you are."

Kamran then approached him, her eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry that you lost your dad…" she said, hugging him. "I…It's so sad, Uncle Callen, it's just so sad. Are you going to be okay?"

"Thanks, Kam…" Callen swallowed hard, her tears doing more to unsettle him than anything else at the moment. "And I'm going to be fine, sweetheart. Don't worry about me…"

She nodded and went to stand with her mother as Sam wrapped Callen up into a tight embrace. "I'm here for you," he whispered.

Callen nodded, momentarily unable to speak as he tried to pull himself together.

Nell and Eric followed directly behind the Hanna family. "I can't imagine what you're going through," Nell said as she hugged him.

"Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you," Eric said.

"Thanks guys," Callen said.

A bunch of people he didn't know came by next, which gave him a bit of a break and time to get his emotions under control. Then, there were various people from work who came in, a few at a time. Some, Callen was closer to than others, but he appreciated each person who had made the effort to come. Towards the end of the hour, he was surprised by the appearance of Director Vance.

"Agent Callen," Vance said as he shook Callen's hand. "I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, sir," Callen said. "I'm surprised to see you here…"

"You shouldn't be," Vance said with a faint smile. "Gibbs wanted to come out, as well, but he's in the middle of a big case and couldn't get away. He wanted me to give you his condolences and to tell you he'll talk to you soon."

"Thanks," Callen said softly. "I appreciate you coming."

At that point, the minister appeared and announced that the service would begin shortly. As Alex was a member of a church, she attended regularly with Jake, Callen had let her make the arrangements for the service itself. The eulogy would be pretty basic. Both Callen and Alex had spoken with the minister and had given sketchy details of Garrison's life, but there wasn't a whole lot they could say. Callen knew about the Matroyoshka dolls and his work with refugees, but that was about it. There certainly weren't any fond childhood memories he could share.

The service started and Callen found his thoughts drifting, though his eyes remained fixed on his father for most of the time. For all the times he had lost and regained hope, wondering if his father was alive or dead, he realized that this time, it was final. This would definitely be the last time he would ever see his father. For all his inner vows that he would remain stoic throughout the day, he felt his eyes beginning to fill and he had to struggle to keep himself together. The words that the minister was speaking suddenly caught his attention. He was talking about Garrison's relationship with his grandson.

"Although, Garrison only knew his grandson for a short time, he spent many meaningful moments with him. He enjoyed playing catch with and reading to his grandson as well as taking him on many trips to the library and the zoo." Callen was shocked to hear any of these things. He hadn't realized that Garrison had shared so much with Jake. He turned his head towards Alex, but her head was bowed and her eyes were closed with tears on her cheeks. He swallowed hard as he realized that he was jealous of the time Garrison had spent with Jake. Garrison was his father and they hadn't really shared any activities except for meals and awkward conversations laden with small talk. Once again, he experienced the inner pain that told him he had never been good enough for his father and now, he knew he never would be…

xxxxx

After the service, Jake was brought to be with his mother by one of her friends. "I think he's still a bit young to have sat through everything today," she explained to Callen, as they sat in the limo, waiting for it to start so they could go to the cemetery for the graveside service. "But, I want him to realize what's happened. It's just hard for him to understand. He loses his grandmother and then he gains a grandfather and then he loses him too."

"I didn't realize how close they were," Callen said, keeping his tone even.

Alex nodded. "It was fairly recent. They just all of a sudden began to bond. I think it was good for Jake…I just wish we hadn't lost him so soon."

Callen nodded, his eyes on Jake, wondering why his father had chosen to forge a bond with him and not his own son. He could understand that things were probably easier with a child, and that Jake wouldn't have the kinds of questions Callen did, but even so…it was just a whole new and different kind of hurt.

xxxxx

The graveside service was mercifully brief. The minister concluded the service and invited everyone back to the restaurant. Callen waited until all the guests were headed back to their cars and then he knelt by Amy's grave. Finally, he allowed himself to shed some of the tears he had been trying to hold back for most of the morning. "Dad is finally with you, Amy," he whispered. "You…you're not going to be alone anymore…"

xxxxx

Sam had been worried about his partner ever since the minister had started talking about Garrison's relationship with Jake. Sam had not seen Callen visibly react to this, but he was pretty sure the man had once again succeeding in hurting his son. After the short service at the cemetery, Sam had wanted to check on his partner, but he hadn't wanted to disturb him when he was at his sister's grave and afterwards, Callen had ridden with Hetty to the restaurant. He didn't really get to talk to him until after they had all arrived at the restaurant.

"G?" he said, finally approaching Callen after he had finished speaking with the person who was in charge of the buffet.

"Hey, Sam." Callen tried to force a smile, but didn't really succeed in doing so.

"You look exhausted, buddy," Sam said observantly.

Callen sighed heavily. "I am," he admitted.

Even though he hadn't had any way of knowing what had happened while he had been away with his family, Sam still felt a twinge of guilt that he hadn't been there for his partner over the past few days. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you this week."

Callen gave Sam an incredulous look. "Come on…you've got to be kidding me. You had no idea what was happening, Sam. This is not on you, not the tiniest bit."

"How are you really doing, G?"

"I'm good," Callen said, looking sad and lost. "Worst part's over now, right?"

Sam wanted to bring up the eulogy, but he realized that now was definitely not the time and it definitely was not the place. It was obvious that Callen was just trying to get through the day. Sam certainly didn't want to make it harder on him. "We'll talk later," he said, patting Callen's back gently. "You hang in there, G."

xxxxx

The function room was larger than necessary for the amount of people who were assembled at the restaurant, but Callen had thought it was better to overestimate than not have enough food. A buffet was set up on the far side of the room with a garden salad, hot rolls and butter, chicken marsala, London broil, rice Florentine and stuffed shells. There was also a dessert table off to the side which contained assorted homemade pastries and chocolate mousse.

Sam and his family sat with Deeks, Kensi, Eric and Nell at their table. Sam noticed that Hetty had somehow managed to get herself seated next to Callen who was with Alex, Jake and a few other people Sam wasn't familiar with. He was glad that Hetty was with his partner, knowing that she would keep a close eye on him.

After everyone had their food, Sam turned his attention to Deeks. "Deeks?"

"Hey, Sam, how are you doing?" Deeks, asked, smiling at Sam and his family. "Did you all have a good time on your trip?"

"We had a wonderful time," Kamran said. "It's a very beautiful place."

Deeks nodded as he smiled at Sam's daughter. "It is."

"Hey, Deeks, can I talk to you for a sec?" Sam asked.

"Of course, what's up?" Deeks asked.

"I just wanted to thank you for what you did for G this week. He told me that you really helped him out and…I'm really glad you did, since I wasn't able to be there for him."

"It was really no big deal, Sam," he said, looking a tad uncomfortable with the praise. "I was just being a friend is all."

"Well, to him it was a big deal," Sam said earnestly. "To me, as well. I appreciate you taking care of him."

Deeks just nodded, not really knowing what to say and was grateful when Michelle asked her husband a question and Sam turned his attention to her.

xxxxx

"I do recall you saying you were going to eat at the restaurant," Hetty whispered to Callen. She was pretty sure he hadn't touched a bit of the food on his plate.

"I did say that," Callen admitted. He picked up his fork and moved it around, finally picking up a few grains of rice and putting them into his mouth.

"Oh come now, Mr. Callen," Hetty said. "If that was your best attempt, you would have been better served not even trying at all."

Callen put down his fork beside his plate. "I can go along with that."

"I wasn't saying…" Hetty shook her head and stopped herself. She wasn't going to nag him, today of all days. He looked tired and so very sad and her heart went out to him.

Callen gazed back at her, his eyes full of despair, almost as if he was reconciled to her berating him in some way. Inwardly, Hetty cursed Garrison, wondering why on earth he hadn't tried harder to connect with his son while he had the chance. Now Callen was the one who was left to suffer the consequences of his failure to do so.

xxxxx

Callen couldn't have been more relieved when the meal finally ended and people began to leave the restaurant. He went through all the obligatory hugs and well wishes, once again, and then went to settle the final bill with the person who had been in charge of the luncheon. He, Alex and Jake then went outside to where Hetty was waiting to drive them back to the funeral home so they could get their cars.

The ride back was mostly silent, each person lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't long before Hetty pulled into the mostly empty parking lot. "Thank you for taking us back here, Hetty," Alex said before she and Jake got out of the car.

"No problem at all, my dear," Hetty said. "Hopefully, I will see you again soon, under more pleasant circumstances."

"I'd like that," Alex said. "Bye."

"Bye!" Jake yelled before getting out of the car.

"So, Mr. Callen, are you coming back to Dovecote?" Hetty asked, looking at him hopefully.

Callen nodded. "I was planning on it, unless you'd rather…"

"Don't you dare even finish that sentence," Hetty scolded lightly. "We've already gone over this. You are more than welcome…any time…for as long as you'd like to stay."

Calen nodded. "Thanks, Hetty. I'll see you back there soon."

"Drive safely, Mr. Callen."

"You too."

Callen got out of the car and walked over to where Alex and Jake were waiting. "I need to show you something, Alex," Callen said as he went to his own car and unlocked it. He grabbed the life insurance envelope and handed it to her.

"What is this?" she asked, appearing a little bit nervous.

"It's nothing bad," Callen said, giving her a smile. "Just open it."

Alex pulled the papers out of the envelope and slowly looked through them, her eyes widening and then filling with tears when she saw the beneficiary information. "I…I don't understand," she said, shaking her head. "I hardly even knew him…why would he…this should have all gone to you…"

"What? No, Alex," Callen quickly shook his head. "I didn't really know him either. He's your father too, besides, he had a relationship with Jake, right?"

"But still…I never even knew about him until recently. You…you searched for him. You…" she sighed, as she looked at the amount again, unable to believe it was true.

"He was _our_ father, Alex…yours and mine," Callen said. "He wanted you to have this and I do too, trust me on that."

Alex nodded. "Okay," she said with a shaky smile.

"There's something else too," Callen said. "There's…well I don't know exactly what it is…maybe a letter, or maybe something else, I'm not sure. It's an envelope with your name on it. It's back at my house. I have one too, but I haven't opened it yet. I…I'll bring it to you. Maybe tomorrow…"

Alex looked at him, seeing the affect this was having on him. "It's no rush, Grisha," she said softly. "Whenever you have a chance…"

He nodded. "I'll try to do it soon," he said hoarsely.

"Mommy? Can we go home?" Jake tugged on Alex's arm and gave her a pleading look.

"Jake, mommy's talking," Alex said, looking down at him. "You know you're not supposed to interrupt."

"That's okay," Callen said, with a faint smile. "I think we're all ready to go home. You take the papers and sign then and I'll get them from you in a day or two, okay?"

"Thank you, Grisha," Alex said as she leaned in and hugged him. "I know we didn't get to know our dad for very long, but at least he brought us together. I'm really glad to know I have a brother…"

Callen swallowed against the lump in his throat as he returned her embrace. "Thanks Alex, I'm pretty happy to have found a sister and a nephew."


	12. Chapter 12

_As always, thanks so much for the support. This chapter is a short one, but I just figured I'd put it out there. I think one more chapter after this one should wrap this sad little story up._

xxxxx

Hetty was waiting in the living room for Callen when he returned to Dovecote. "Come sit with me, Mr. Callen," she urged, patting the sofa next to where she was sitting. "Have some tea. It's a special blend you haven't had before."

Callen sat down on the sofa with a heavy sigh as she handed him a cup. "Thank you," he said softly. "Are you trying to put me to sleep, Hetty?"

"Of course not, but I do have some blends that could help you get some rest, if you'd like." She looked at him with concern in her eyes. "So…how are you doing?"

He sipped his tea and looked back at her sadly. "I don't know…okay, I guess…"

Hetty didn't believe him for a second. "It was a hard day for you," she said, sympathetically.

"I don't know why it was so hard," he said and Hetty caught the edge to his voice. "It's not like we really even knew each other. He…he didn't even try…"

Hetty couldn't find the words to comfort him. He'd gone through so many disappointments in his life. Finding his father should have given him some happiness, but it had just turned out to be another hope that had been smashed to pieces. "I'm sorry," she finally said.

"It doesn't matter," he said with a shrug. "It was my own fault for getting my hopes up…I should have known better…When you're a kid…you build up all kinds of expectations. I guess no one could have met them, really…"

Hetty shook her head sadly. "Somehow, I don't believe your expectations were too high," she said. "This is on him, Mr. Callen, not on you. Don't ever think for a second that you were to blame for your father's…I think inadequacies is a good word."

He nodded, but she could tell he didn't really believe what she was telling him. "Can I fix you anything to eat?" she asked.

"No, thanks," Callen said with a shake of his head. Then, knowing she was worried, he added. "I'll eat dinner tonight…I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that," Hetty said, giving him a fond smile.

"Yeah, I kind of figured you would," he said, smiling back at her.

"Is there anything in particular you would like for dinner?" she asked. "I don't want to make something you don't like."

"I'm pretty sure you know what I like by now, Hetty," Callen said. "Whatever you make will be fine."

"Okay, perhaps you should lie down for a while and get some rest? I know you haven't been getting much sleep lately."

"I don't know," he said. "I think I might go for a walk on the beach, try to clear my head."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll see you later."

Callen nodded. "I won't be too late."

xxxxx

He headed out to Venice and took a long walk, people watching along the way. He couldn't help but pay special attention to families of all kinds…mothers with their daughters… fathers with their sons… elderly couples, adults with elderly parents, lots of smiles and laughter. He couldn't help feeling even more sad when he saw them. There were parents pushing strollers or holding the hands of toddlers and young children. It made him think of the home movie of his father with him and Amy. The man in the movie had appeared to be enchanted with his children, a loving father who cared about his family. What had happened to that man? Where had he gone? When he had succeeded in thoroughly depressing himself, he headed back to Dovecote. Once there, he was able to avoid Hetty and head to his room. He was unable to sleep though, so he continued to dwell on thoughts of his father as he wondered why Garrison hadn't even tried to get closer to him.

xxxxx

Dinner was more of the same, a dismal affair. Hetty made a pot roast, mashed potatoes and a vegetable medley. He'd promised her he would eat, so he did, but he was quiet and moody and it wasn't a very pleasant meal. He knew it was his fault, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't seem to get himself out of the mood he was in. "I'm going to go home tomorrow," he said when he had finished eating and sat staring at his empty plate.

"Really? So soon?" Hetty asked. She had been sure he would have stayed a few days longer. Or at least she had hoped that he would.

Callen nodded. "I can't hide out like a little kid in your house, Hetty. I need to try to move past this."

"I hadn't thought of it as hiding out," Hetty said softly. "I'd just thought of it as getting support from your family…"

When she said that, his first instinct was to lash out, to say she wasn't his family, but he knew that would hurt her terribly and he also knew it wasn't true. He was angry at his father, not Hetty. The team was his family, just not by blood. It was just a hard thing to remember today. It was difficult to think that people who had just happened to become part of his life, could care about him more than his own father had. He started to think of his mother…the brief flashes of that fateful day on the beach. He knew she had loved him. More than anything, he wished that she had lived. He wished things could have been different for his mom, for himself and for Amy. He wished they could have had the chance to be a family…

xxxxx

Callen was still moody the following morning. He hadn't slept particularly well and was anxious about going home. He wasn't thrilled about being in the same place as the mystery envelope and pictures, but he knew he had to do it. Hetty had cooked him a big breakfast, eggs, bacon, sausages, home fries and toast. He did his best to eat well and be cordial during the meal. He knew Hetty didn't want him to leave and at the moment he was regretting the decision as well. However, staying at Dovecote would be the easy thing to do. He wasn't a child. He had to face this.

xxxxx

"Goodbye, Hetty," Callen said, leaning down to hug the diminutive woman. "Thank you…for everything."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay, just one more day?" Hetty felt like she was nagging him, but she couldn't seem to help it. She cared about him so much and hated to see him hurting the way he was.

Callen shook his head. "I really need to go home, Hetty," he said softly.

Hetty nodded. She did understand, but it didn't mean she had to like it. "And I don't suppose you've changed your mind about taking off a few days this week?"

"That won't help, Hetty," Callen explained. "I think I'm better off at work. Trust me, I can use the distraction."

"Yes, I suppose you're right," she said, nodding in agreement, but she had needed to make him the offer.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Hetty…and don't worry, I'm going to be fine. The smile he gave her appeared genuine enough, but he couldn't disguise his eyes and she saw right through him, knowing that he was anything but fine.


	13. Chapter 13

_This was such a hard chapter to write. Hopefully I wrapped this story up okay. Thanks to all of you who have read and supported it. As always, I really appreciate it._

xxxxx

After Callen left, Hetty remained worried and distracted. Perhaps she was being overprotective, but she picked up her cell phone and pressed the speed dial number for Sam.

"Hey Hetty," Sam answered. "How's everything going? How's G?"

"Your partner decided to return home, Mr. Hanna. He assured me that he was fine…"

"But you don't really believe him," Sam stated.

"No…no I don't believe him," Hetty said. "I want to, but..."

"So…I'm guessing that's the reason you called me," Sam stated. "Do you think I should go there?"

"Well…I don't want to interrupt any family plans you may have for the day…"

"Kam and Aiden are both with their friends today. Michelle is playing catchup on laundry. I'm sure she'll find some way to keep me busy if I stay here so I'd be more than happy to check up on him," Sam said with a soft chuckle. "But seriously, Michelle cares about G too. She'll insist that I go out there when I tell her what's going on."

"Thank you, Sam," Hetty couldn't help but be relieved by this. She knew how much Sam cared about his friend and also knew that Callen was likely to respond well to him. "I'd wait a while before going there though. We don't want it to seem like I sent you out there the second he left here."

"Okay," Sam replied. "I'll go out there in an hour or so and pay him a visit."

xxxxx

Callen inhaled deeply then slowly breathed out before he inserted his key into the lock and opened the front door to his house. He could feel his heartbeat quickening and he took a few more deep, calming breaths as he made his way into the living room. He eyed the room his father had been staying in, but he wasn't yet ready to go in there. He went to his own room and unpacked, then made his way back into the living room once again, He felt strangely lonely which was weird, because Garrison had gotten on his nerves more times than he could count, but now…now he would have given anything to have his father back in the picture again.

Finally, he realized that he was getting nowhere and he needed to go into his father's bedroom. He slowly made his way into the room and pulled the tin box out of the dresser drawer. Not particularly wanting to stay in the room where his father had passed so recently, he then brought the box out into the living room and sat on the floor. He slowly began to pull the pictures out of the box, one by one, spreading them out on the floor as he did so. The pictures were of a family he had always craved having, but had never gotten the chance to have, at least not in his own memories. There were so many photographs, depicting a life he couldn't recall, but wished with every fiber of his being that he could. There were posed shots of Amy holding him when he was a baby, holiday pictures, pictures of the whole family at the beach, family outings, his christening, his parents' wedding with the couple looking so happy and very much in love. It wasn't too long before he was crying. He could not understand why his father hadn't just sat down with him and shown him these pictures, talked to him about the life Callen had no memory of. He couldn't help but think how unfair it all was. The "what ifs" were prominent in his mind. What if Hetty had been able to save their mom, what if his father had done things differently? He knew these thoughts weren't helping him, that they weren't productive and nothing good was coming from them, but he just couldn't help it. He had told his father he'd understood his decisions, but looking at these photographs, he didn't. Their mother had been murdered. How had his father been able to give them up as well? He could have found some way to continue his work with the refugees and keep him and his sister. Callen just couldn't understand Garrison's decision which had basically been to throw him and Amy to the wolves and let them fend for themselves. He just couldn't understand that, no matter how hard he tried to.

A short time later, there was a knock on his front door. He just sat there for a few moments, hoping whoever it was would go away, but knowing in his heart that wasn't going to happen. He got to his feet and went to the door to find his partner standing behind it. "Hey, Sam," he said.

"G…" Sam gazed at his obviously sad partner, with fresh tears on his cheeks, and held back the urge to hug him, not yet sure what the best way to handle the situation was. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Callen stepped aside and allowed Sam to enter his house.

As Sam entered the living room, he immediately saw the numerous pictures strewn all over the floor. Looking more closely, he saw that they were not Callen's boyhood pictures taken by Michael Reinhardt, but rather older pictures of Callen and his family. "Where'd you get the pictures, G?" he asked softly.

Callen swallowed hard as he pointed at the tin box. "In that box…in his room…"

"I take it you never saw these before?"

Callen shook his head, his eyes beginning to fill. "No…I never did," he said, his voice breaking. "And…there's something else…"

"What?" Callen again pointed to the tin box, not saying anything. Sam went to the box and saw the envelope with Callen's name on it, on top of a bunch of what looked like random papers and receipts. He picked it up. "Do you know what this is?" he asked.

"No… I…I know I have to open it, but…" Truthfully, he was afraid to open the letter, afraid it would make things even worse. He wasn't sure he could take it, if that was the case.

"Would you rather I left you alone?" Sam asked. He knew he had told Hetty he'd check on his partner, but right now, he felt like he was being intrusive. If Callen needed to have time to himself, he had to respect that and give it to him.

"No," Callen said, shaking his head. He walked over to one of the chairs in the room and sat down heavily as he stared at the pictures on the floor. Sam stood still for a few moments, his eyes on his partner. He then pushed the other chair in the room over next to Callen's chair and sat down, then handed him the envelope.

Callen sighed as he held the envelope in his hands for a few moments. He turned it over and slowly opened it, then pulled out some handwritten sheets which he carefully unfolded. The letterhead was vintage in appearance with an intricate old-fashioned design in the top right and bottom left corner of the pages. The writing was large, bold and very neat.

 _"My Dearest Son,"_ Callen said aloud, as he started to read. _"If you're reading this, I'm either dead or I'm missing, in which case, I'm pretty sure the ending will not be a good one. I had always hoped that you would not have to read this letter. I had wanted to change things so that it wasn't necessary to leave it at all, but, unfortunately, I guess that was not to be."_

 _"I know there are many things you wanted to know, many unanswered questions that you had, but you didn't ask and I was too afraid to bring them up myself. I told you how important my work was and that I thought you and your sister had a better chance being in the United States, away from me. However, I have regretted, every day, that I didn't choose the other path, the path that would have kept you and Amy with me. I realize now, much too late, that keeping us together, as a family, in spite of the difficulties, would have been the best choice, for you, for your sister and for me. That I was unable to protect your mother is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I regret the loss of your sister and the many hardships you had to endure. You don't talk about it, but I know your life was difficult, Grisha. I know that being alone in the world could not have been easy on you. I try not to think about what you may have suffered, the physical and mental anguish you underwent, but when I do allow myself to think about it, it breaks my heart. If it brings you any consolation, know that I will regret this until I'm in my grave, and maybe even beyond the grave, as well."_

At that point, Callen bowed his head and put the letter aside, letting his tears fall. "I…I don't understand, Sam," he said. "He could have gotten to us…at any time. If…If he had these kinds of thoughts, why didn't he? Why couldn't he have just come for us and brought us home?"

"I don't know, G…" Sam said softly, his heart breaking for his friend.

Callen raised his head, his blue eyes filled with more tears waiting to be shed and gave Sam a pleading look as he passed him the letter.

Sam took the letter from Callen and quickly skimmed it until he found the place where his friend had left off and began to read. _"I know that you haven't forgiven me for what I did to you…to your sister, nor do I deserve your forgiveness. I know that my choices had consequences and that our relationship, or rather lack of a relationship, is one of those consequences. I had hoped that eventually we would begin to draw closer, but in some ways, I suppose I'm a coward. I was afraid of rejection so I emotionally I kept my distance. Eventually, I slowly tried to get closer to you, but evidently, I didn't do a very good job because I am likely in my grave and you are reading this now."_

Sam looked at his friend who was listening with a far off look in his eyes and went on. _"Grisha, please know that I wish for you only the best in life. I wish you to find love, pure joy and happiness. I hope you will have children. If you are so blessed, I know you will be a good father…the kind of father that I wanted to be, but failed to become."_

 _"I know you have very good friends who love you, that Hetty helped fill a void in your life. She rescued you from the foster care system and for that, I will always be grateful to her. I know that Sam is like a brother to you. It is obvious how close the two of you are and it does my heart good to see that. I also wish for you to develop a relationship with Alex. Both of you were victims of my choices and although she didn't suffer as you did, her life has not been an easy one. I think it would do you both good to become close. Perhaps you can get to know this sister in a way you were not able to know Amy. I believe it would do Jake good, as well. I've only just begun to know him, but he's a good boy and he could learn a lot from you. I think he would be good for you as well."_

 _"I am sorry, my son. Sorry for your hardships, sorry that I wasn't there for you the way I should have been. Even now, I know I am doing you a disservice by not trying harder, but still I hesitate. I hope I can get past my reservations before it's too late, but if not, I wish you all the best life has to offer, Grisha. And please, do not mourn for me for very long, I don't deserve that and neither do you. You shouldn't mourn for a foolish old man who made poor decisions."_

 _"You're a strong man with a good heart, my son. Although I didn't really show it, I'm very proud of you and I love you more than you will ever know."_

 _"Love, Your father."_

Sam carefully refolded the letter and put it back into the envelope, then glanced at his partner who was silently crying. He then moved his chair in closer and folded Callen up in his arms. At first, Sam didn't say anything. He just held his partner while he cried. Then, after a few minutes, he spoke softly to him. "I'm here for you, G," he said soothingly. "Everything will be okay."

Eventually, Callen's sobs lessened and he finally pulled back from his partner, looking sad and very lost. At moments like these, Callen's eyes provided Sam a mirror into his soul and he wished he could have plucked that hapless little boy out of foster care and given him the home and loving family that he had deserved. "Are you okay?"

Callen nodded slowly then met his partner's eyes. "I just…I still don't understand, Sam…if…if he had all these feelings…why…why couldn't he tell me? Something…anything…I just…" He swallowed hard, not wanting to cry again, but his emotions were so raw and he didn't know what to do with all that he was feeling inside.

Sam shook his head. "I don't know…sometimes it's just easier to write things down, or it's like he said, he wanted to talk to you, but he just kept putting it off and then…he just ran out of time…"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"And G…"

"Yeah?"

"What he said…about us being brothers, I don't think I have to tell you this, but it couldn't be more true as far as I'm concerned. I couldn't love you any more than if we'd been raised together since we were born."

Callen smiled then, not the brightest smile in the world, but it was genuine and made Sam feel a whole lot better to see it. "I feel the same way, Sam," he said softly. "I…I'm grateful every day that we were brought together as partners. You…you mean the world to me and I know you're my family."

"Good…I'm glad you know that," Sam said. "My family is your family, G…and the team, Hetty, Deeks, Kensi, Eric, Nell…they're your family too. And anytime you need us, we're here for you, okay?"

Callen nodded. "I know, Sam…thanks…thanks for always being here for me…"

"You've got it, buddy. Now, you feel like coming home with me? Football game is on later. I think Michelle would be thrilled if we ordered in some pizzas and she didn't have to cook."

Callen considered it, but then shook his head. "I think I'm just going to hang out here today, Sam," he said quietly. He looked at the pictures on the floor and the ones that he still hadn't looked through and knew he just wanted to take the time to go through them. Even if he couldn't remember those special times, it was kind of nice to know they had existed at one point in his life.

"You sure?" Sam asked, a hint of worry clear in his eyes.

"I'm sure," Callen said with a nod. "Don't worry, Sam. I'm okay…it's nice to know he cared. I still wish he could have talked to me…it would have meant a lot, but now I know he wasn't indifferent, at least. For him to have written that…I definitely know he cared."

"I think so too, G."

The two walked outside together to where Sam had his Challenger parked and Sam gave Callen a heartfelt look as he opened the door to his vehicle. "If you change your mind and decide to come over…"

"I know, Sam," Callen said. "I'll give you a call if I decide to."

"Do me a favor and call me even if you're not coming?" Sam asked.

"Okay, Sam," Callen said, smiling faintly. "I'll call you later and thanks…I appreciate you coming over and I appreciate you worrying over me."

"Don't forget to call, G," Sam said as he got into the car. "If you do, I'm going to call you."

"I won't forget, Sam."

"See you later. You take care of yourself, buddy."

"I will…bye Sam."

Callen watched as Sam drove off and then headed back inside. He had a lot to think about. He also knew it was going to take some time to get past what had happened, but for now, he felt a little bit better about things.


End file.
